Just Cover You Calves and Ankles

Way too often I see games, movies, tv shows and whatever else where people are trudging through the zombie apocalypse and, surprise, they get bit on the calf or ankle. Duh! Cover your calves and ankles and this problem disappears.
See, when people die they fall down. On the ground. Around that area where your feet are… That area you’re not usually looking in when you’re walking forward. I see some of the best shooters and fighters kicking through knee-high weeds and then ARRGGGH somethings got their leg like a shark attack.
Seriously though, I can’t feel bad for you if you see a bun of zombies crawling and laying around and you don’t think to protect your most vulnerable parts. You don’t even need combat boots or women’s boots (though women have no excuse for not covering their calves and ankles with boots). Rain boots, though your feet will stink in like six minutes, are perfect. Can you bite through rubber? I can’t.
And you know what the first suggestion will be? Cut the leg off! This may or may not work. Sometime it does, sometime it doesn’t (even in the same fictional universe in some cases). But even if it does, you’ll be hobbled and they’ll be whispering about not wanting to take care of you or how you’ll slow everyone down. This is all the best case scenario where you actually survive the bite and amputation. Because there’s the slow descent into infection and death from either the bite or the amateur doctoring.
Your calves and ankles don’t need to be covered with some indestructible, adamantium-type shit. What’s important is, can’t it be easily torn or bitten through? If no, you’re good. Also important, can you comfortably flee from not only shambling corpses but also fully ambulatory, aggressive humans.

TLDR: Cover Your Calves and Ankles

1. Dead people fall down; living people look up. You can’t change this, just deal with it.
2. Getting bit on the leg is a dumb way to die. Even if they try to save you, you’re dead-ish. They’ll laugh when they tell your story as a cautionary tale to children.
3. Most any boot will do because most people can’t bite through boots. (Also, animals are less likely to hurt you if they have an extra layer or leather or  soccer shin guards to get through.)
4. Don’t cover your calves and ankles to the detriment of your mobility. There’s no point in just being safe from the crawlers if you can’t dodge the walkers or out run the humans.

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Apocalyptic Shoe Fetish: Hot Topic

Recently I’ve been feeling some shoe lust. I want all the shoes all the time, especially if they’re boots that could be perfect for the apocalypse. Then I got the Hot Topic e-news (I can’t hear you laughing at me over the sound of my husband laughing at me) and it was filled with boots and studded heels of every make and model. Squee! Continue reading “Apocalyptic Shoe Fetish: Hot Topic”

Post apocalyptic fashion: Dr Martens.

I needed new boots. I needed new boots, badly. I’ve always been dedicated to Dr Martens, and my old pair had finally, completely died on me after 10 years of heavy wear and almost no polishing. (this might be the main reason they died) so I bit the bullet, took a lot of money from my account, and went shopping.
Continue reading “Post apocalyptic fashion: Dr Martens.”

Quick Survival Tip: Untie Your Shoes When You Take Them Off

Rarely are we in a sincere hurry to remove our shoes, but often shoes can be a very necessary hurdle when trying to get somewhere quickly.
I’ve spend way too many minutes psyching myself up for a workout only to deflated by sitting down and untying the double knots still in my laces. Once I’m on the couch working on those knots I’ll often see something or take a deep breath and all that hard work of getting myself into the mindset of getting up and going is seeping away; all because of a bow.
If your home is on fire of you’re finding yourself running for your life for any reason, you’ll want to  have quick access to your footwear. It’s easy to remove shoes while stile tied and probably looks nicer if they’re stored in the open, but you will waste precious time where it’s most important if you do not untie your shoes when you take them off.
And remember: if you’re concerned about tripping or the shoes staying on, just remember you haven’t tied them and make an effort to not fall out of them or over your laces. Just like you remember to chew your food and tap your breaks when the situation calls for it.

Post-Apocalyptic Fashion: The Shoes You Have

I bought a cute pair of shoes the other day. They made me sooo happy… until I wore them. Then, I wanted to bring them to life like Pinocchio just so I could beat them to death.
What if I’d had to out run something? What if my train had stopped in the middle of God-Knows-Where and I’d had to walk or hike or bushwhack? I’d have probably taken the shoes off and gone barefoot.
I felt legitimate visceral Hate[1. yes, with a capital H] for these shoes. So much so that I shoved them in the back of the closet as soon as I got home to prevent myself from accidentally saving them or slipping them on in a fire.
Sure, I’ve said it is important to live with small inconveniences now to help yourself in the long run. This is why I didn’t complain while they were on[5. Complainers go to the wolves]. I suffered in villainous silence, plotting the ruination of those tow-abusing monstrosities.
Another thing I did? I went home and reevaluated my shoe collection and organization. If you have, as I do, a metric shit ton of shoes, you’ll want to consider keeping them in different places. Specifically, some shoes should be by your major exits. I realize to some organized people this is blasphemous. But there is good reason for this:

  • If you keep all your shoes in your shoe closet in your hall/bedroom/guestroom/place that’s not the exit itself,  you run the risk of leaving your home without them if you leave in a hurry.
  • Choice is not always what you need. Sometimes you just need to know you’re weather ready and shoed.

Continue reading “Post-Apocalyptic Fashion: The Shoes You Have”

The things I'll miss come the apocalypse.

So, some days I actually long for the apocalypse. You know, I stare at the world and think ‘please please please!’. In fact, just yesterday I told two Londoners that London was the reason I wanted an apocalypse- so it would be deserted and I could enjoy it properly. You know, without Londoners. Fortunately they’ve lived in Norfolk long enough that their immediate response wasn’t to glass me and take my wallet, so I was fine. Maybe a little verbally brutalised.
I’m getting off track.
The point is, that despite my almost certainly unhealthy longing for and obsession with the Big A, there are still some things I’ll miss.
Continue reading “The things I'll miss come the apocalypse.”