Your apocalypse survival starter kit

By | September 6, 2011

I live in a hurricane zone. Which is fun and all–at least, until a hurricane actually hits. I wasn’t affected by Hurricane Irene, and the only thing we got from Tropical Storm Lee was a bunch of wind and some (much-needed) rain.

So far, we’ve been pretty lucky that way. (Of course, the season’s not over yet.)

With the recent evacuation of much of the American Eastern Seaboard, I thought about my family’s own hurricane evaluation plan. You know, just in case we need it. It didn’t take long to think about, since we don’t actually have a plan in place. (Which will most certainly bite us in the ass should we actually need to run far away from an angry mass of hurricane.)

But that’s beside the point. (And a scenario to which my procrastinating self says, “I’ll cross that washed-out bridge when I get to it.”)

My point is, regardless of whether you’re evacuating for a hurricane or battening down the hatches and dusting off your kayak, you’re going to need a survival kit of some sort. The same goes for the apocalypse. Because, you know, no matter where you are on the planet or where you’re planning to go, you’re going to need an apocalypse survival kit. (We have, of course, talked about this before. But IMHO, it’s something that bears repeating. Because you don’t want to open up that Rubbermaid after the world explodes and realize you didn’t actually replace those cans of Chef Boyardee you kept taking out because you “had plenty of time” to replace them and now you have no food except for that ant colony next to you, now do you? I thought not.)

So what do you need to put in your kit?

Well, a lot of things. Here are a few ideas:

  • A waterproof carrying case (because what good will your stuff be if it’s soggy and waterlogged?)
  • Non-perishable (or as non-perishable as possible) food items
  • A can opener, in case your non-perishable food includes cans of tuna and Alphagetti
  • A Swiss Army knife-style knife (because multiple knives + takes up tiny amount space = good)
  • Soap (because staying clean is a good thing)
  • Hand sanitizer (because when you don’t have soap, it’s the next best thing)
  • Wet naps (if all else fails, take wet nap showers)
  • Toothbrush (because people will laugh at you if you die from a cavity. Well, maybe)
  • An extra pair of glasses or contacts lenses (because you’re not exactly going to be able to run down to your friendly neighborhood eyeglass shop)
  • Polarized sunglasses (just in case the sun explodes or you need to look a laser pointer-turned attacking robot in the eye)
  • Important documents, ie. passport, birth certificates, immunization records, etc. No one might care what country you’re a citizen of, but those immunization records might come in handy
  • Water purification tablets (because, brilliant) (This is from Tavia’s earlier post)
  • Lightweight camp-style eating/drinking utensils (because where are you going to put that water you just purified?)
  • A map (because you’re going to need to know where you’re going. And unless you’re part android or have your car, where are you going to plug in your GPS unit when it runs out of batteries?)
  • Medication. Any prescription medication is a must. Also pain relievers. And don’t forget the Pepto (those prescription anti-diarrhea pills couldn’t hurt, either)
  • Band-Aids (in case you need to patch yourself up after you’ve just been gashed in half by a zombie)
  • A frying pan (because they make awesome weapons–haven’t you seen Tangled? Also, you can use them to cook food)
  • A towel (because, as Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy says, you should never forget your towel)

I also found a list of important supplies from The Inquisition. Some of those supplies are: a sachet of instant coffee, for staying awake while fighting the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse; a tin can and a length of string, for bartering and long-distance communication; a cookery book, for finding ways to make that infested rat you need to eat more palatable; and a dishcloth, for shelter (and cleaning out that infested rat you need to eat). (BTW, this list? Is brilliant.)

I don’t know about you, but I’ll probably just put together one disaster survival kit and use it for everything: hurricanes, tsunamis, tornadoes, earthquakes, family reunions, and Armageddon.

2 thoughts on “Your apocalypse survival starter kit

  1. dunmurderin

    I’d also recommend a deck or two of cards and a small book of card games. To paraphrase Robert A. Heinlein’s Tunnel in the Sky, if you’re lost in the woods you can always start a game of solitare and wait for someone to come along and tell you to put the red six on the black seven.

    Reply
  2. Jamie (Mithril Wisdom)

    This list is pretty epic. I live nowhere near any natural disaster zone, so I think zombie apocalypse will be the only thing to affect me. Ill probably take Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy with me too, because I NEVER get around to finishing any of the books. It’ll come in useful because I’ll be without entertainment for a long time.

    Reply

Leave a Reply