Apocalypse dating

By | June 20, 2011

A couple of months ago, I wrote about falling in love during and after the apocalypse. Generally, falling in love involves meeting people and, you know, dating. So, unless your post-apocalyptic society has decided that arranged marriages are the best thing for love since Cupid invented online dating sites, you’re going to have to enter the dating world.

Unfortunately, there’s a chance the Internet will no longer exist—or will no longer exist in its current form. Either way, those handy online dating sites will likely not be around to help you meet The One. Which means you’ll have to go old school: meeting people and dating in person.

Shocking, I know. Also possibly terrifying. And potentially awkward.

Remember, when meeting a potential mate/spouse/The One, first impressions matter. So make sure to dress nicely, act normally (or, at the very least, don’t act like a psycho or a zombie), and go someplace nice. (Well, for the first date, anyway.)

I’d imagine the dating world will change quite a bit, if not completely, post apocalypse. So the dating “rules” will probably change, too. The major changes will likely occur in the areas of where to meet, what to wear, and where to go on those all-important first dates.

Where to meet potential long-term partners

People have been using the Internet as a crutch lately. Through social media or online dating sites (which could be considered a form of social media), a lot of “meeting” and “getting to know you” activities happen online. Maybe because it’s easier to be rejected when you can’t see the person doing the rejecting.

But let’s assume for a moment that the Internet no longer exists. Or at least, doesn’t exist in the same way. So those online meeting places no longer exist, and you’ll be left meeting people in person.

Scary. Especially when you consider the fact that most people will be part of a survivor camp. If they aren’t, they’re probably trying to get to one. And if they’re not trying to do that, then they may not be the best choices for a long-term partner.

Needless to say, the pool will be fairly shallow. Mostly because most of the planet will be dead. So right away, the field is narrowed. But it’s going to be narrowed some more, since you’re likely going to spend most of your time in your survivor camp. I would guess that you’ll do the apocalyptic equivalent of settling in or hunkering down when you find the survivor group you feel most comfortable with and are relatively certain will do some long-term surviving.

Your best bet for dating possibilities is probably the members of your survivor group. Or, if you’re lucky and your group has allied with others, members of your ally survivor groups. Or, if you’re feeling really lucky, the nearby zombie encampment or alien mothership.

I guess it all depends on how your luck’s been going lately.

What to wear on that all-important first date

Unless your post-apocalyptic society exists a century or so after the apocalypse itself, chances are, there aren’t going to be many opportunities to wear fancy evening clothes. “Dressy” might mean you wear the shirt that has the least number of holes in it.

So, what will you wear to your first date? If you’re female, you could always dress like Resident Evil’s Alice. She tends to show a lot of skin, though, so if for whatever reason you think it’s better for the world if your midriff is neither bare nor on display, she’s probably not be the model to use.

But she’s got all that kickassitude, so I guess it depends on what look you’re trying to convey.

Alternatively, you could wear the best (by “best” I mean “least destroyed”) articles of clothing from your regular wardrobe. Ann gave us some tips about what to wear a little while ago. Her fashion tips will work for day to day life and for dates, too—for both men and women.

Besides, there probably aren’t going to be many reasons for anyone to get dressed up, so why not wear what you’ve already got? And where are you going to get those fancy designer outfits, anyway?

Personally, I’d go for practical but nice-looking. So, you know, pants and a top with the least number of rips and holes.

How to look your best so you don’t scare off your date

As I said, first impressions matter. They do today, and they still will after the world ends. It’s a good idea to put your best foot forward on that first date. So, you know, wash your hair and brush your teeth.  

I really don’t have any specific tips for getting ready for your first date. However, Ann has some general beauty tips that can help you. It can also help your overall hygiene. And hygiene will still be important post apocalypse.

Safety tip: There’s no need to bathe in perfume, aftershave, or scented soaps/moisturizers. Even though you’re trying to put your best foot forward, remember there are still all sorts of post-apocalyptic baddies out there who won’t hesitate to kill you. And steal your date. Which would put a serious damper on the evening.

And don’t forget your hair. Remember to comb it. I’d imagine salons will be a thing of the past, so you’ll have to manage with what you can make (see Ann’s beauty tips again). While there’s no need to get fancy for your date, your hair does have to be clean. And combed. If you don’t have a comb, use your fingers.

Finger-combing might become an important test. If you don’t want to run your fingers through your own hair, I can guarantee you your date won’t want to touch it with a radioactive pole. Which means your hair needs to be cleaner.

As I said earlier, hygiene will still be important post apocalypse. But again, there’s no need to use scented soaps.

Where to go for your first date

This could be trickier. Fancy restaurants and movie theaters probably won’t exist, so you’ll have to get creative. You know, think out of the box and all that.

I suppose you could go on a date during a recon mission or a supply raid. But then you’d run the risk of getting distracted from the mission at hand. And if you get distracted, you could get killed. So could the rest of your survivor group. This would most certainly not make you very popular among your fellow survivors.

I’d say a situation of this type might be better as a “how to meet” scenario.

What about a picnic on some stable ruins? (I say stable because you don’t want it to collapse while you’re on your date. And, you know, sitting on it at the time.) Possibly during sunset (if your post apocalypse has sunsets). If you do this, you’ll have to be mindful of your daily food ration. You don’t want to take someone else’s food. This would also not make you very popular among your fellow survivors.

How about a long walk around your survivor camp perimeter? Maybe on the outside of camp, but it’ll depend on what your post-apocalyptic environment is like. Remember, safety first.

This’ll hopefully give you a head start on your post-apocalyptic romantic possibilities. Now, go forth and date.

4 thoughts on “Apocalypse dating

  1. anninyn

    Hm, it’s definately a concern, isn;t it? I’m glad I’m married, because I rarely had success with dating in the current world, imagine how hard it would be in post-apocalyptia?

    My usual technique of ‘get so drunk social awkwardness means nothing, have regrettable/awesome sex, repeat’ really won’t be possible.

    Reply
  2. Garner Davis

    I was tempted to stop reading after you mentioned the arranged marriages. While the tips that followed were all well and good, my string of dating failures, prior to meeting my wife, render any method other than an arranged marriage a certainty for continued bachelorhood. Except … what was that you said about the baddies who’ll steal your dates?

    Reply
  3. Char Post author

    Yeah, I also sucked at dating (I’m also glad I’m married). Hmm…maybe arranged marriages ARE the way to go…?

    Reply

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