The things I’ll miss come the apocalypse.

By | June 28, 2011

So, some days I actually long for the apocalypse. You know, I stare at the world and think ‘please please please!’. In fact, just yesterday I told two Londoners that London was the reason I wanted an apocalypse- so it would be deserted and I could enjoy it properly. You know, without Londoners. Fortunately they’ve lived in Norfolk long enough that their immediate response wasn’t to glass me and take my wallet, so I was fine. Maybe a little verbally brutalised.

I’m getting off track.

The point is, that despite my almost certainly unhealthy longing for and obsession with the Big A, there are still some things I’ll miss.

Shoes

Let’s get the girly stereotype out of the way first, shall we? I love shoes. Like, really love them. I recently got rid of every pair of shoes I have that was unfixably broken, or where I only had one shoe, or that I never wore any more. I still have thirty pairs. And yes, it’s not like I’ll never be able to wear shoes again, I know that. But while I love stompy, practical boots, I also love stupid high heels. And I’ll never be able to wear them again. Can you see me picking my way through a ruined shop looking for medicines wearing a pair of purple patent stillettos?

Didn’t think so.

 

Books

If I love shoes so much I have dreams about my ideal pair, I love books so much that I actually experience panic when I hear of book stores closing down.  And again, I suppose it;s not like I’ll never see another book again (although I suppose ebooks are out. Huh, that thought alone gave me a little pang of panic.). In fact, my well-publicised plan when secure is to raid bookstores for the sort of books we need- medical textbooks and gardening books to start with, but after a while fiction, because I think a chance to escape the apocalyptic hellhole will be beneficial to all. But I won’t be able to take them all. And the longer I wait, the faster those books on the shelves will rot, their paper turning pulpy, and those wonderful, beautiful words that could change someones life in the same way Jane Eyre changed mine will be gone, forever.

Nightmare.

 

Long Hot Baths

After a hard stressful day, or a long walk, or after a number of things that will be a normal state of affairs post apocalypse, I like to run a bath, pour gunk in it, and let the hot water go ahead and do the rest. There is honestly nothing better for me than to soak in hot water, and I know I’m not alone in that one. But do you think there’ll be enough water around to do that post-apocalypse? Hell no, I’ll be lucky to get a second strip wash to get the dust off me. And as a result, I won’t be able to soak the dirt and the exhaustion and the stress away- I’ll have to live with it.

 

The Internet.

Oh, internet. Gateway to whole new worlds of knowledge. You have a culture and an experience all of your own. Anyone who’s anyone can find like-minded souls using your hallowed pathways.  I love you in a way that only a person brought up on sci-fi can- you are the future, astonishing, wild, filled with disturbing amounts of filth, and taken utterly for granted. Without you, people wouldn’t be able to read my paranoid ramblings (and thanks to you, those paranoid ramblings are increasingly popular). And when the bombs hit (or the zombies rise, or the disease spreads), you’ll be gone, gone. I will no longer be able to find out if that plant is poisonous thanks to a quick google search- I’ll have to actually learn things again.

I’ll mourn your loss with all my heart and soul, internet.

 

So, that’s what I’ll miss. What will you miss? Or is there nothing about the modern world that holds your attention any more?

6 thoughts on “The things I’ll miss come the apocalypse.

  1. tavia.

    Oh the internet and the shoes. Husband has stopped asking me about the shoe situation in our house. Someone will have a delightful size 7 vacation paradise if they spend some time squatting in our abode.

    But remember, if you have an eBook reader, you can make a solar charger and keep it alive for a while.

    Reply
  2. Char

    Oh the Internet. I shall mourn the death of the Internet. And books.

    Reply
  3. Garner Davis

    String Cheese. It’ll be one of the first things to vanish, when the world goes kaput. I’ll miss it greatly.

    Reply
  4. Lisa von Lempke

    You seem to assume that you will be around, come the Apocalypse…

    But what if, unbeknownst to yourself, you are actually approved of by God and you get Raptured away?

    And the awful thing about being raptured away is that YOUR CLOTHES ARE LEFT BEHIND. Really! They are! Just read the sources! And though I’m not sure, I think that means shoes, too. No more high heels and no empty shops…

    Reply
    1. anninyn Post author

      Trust me, rapture is NOT one of the apocalypses I;m worried about. Though it;s true, I would go naked. Which- like- I really like clothes. and shoes. It wouldn;t be heaven without it.

      Ah well, nothing to worry about, if the God the rapture-types seem to believe in is the real God He will approve of precisely NOTHING I HAVE EVER DONE.

      Reply
  5. RobtheSane

    Shoes and God. Hmm what do I say here, well it could be that God would enjoy a nice pair of high heels as she, or he, depending on your particular god, heads out to the club or shopping, or whatever your personal interpretation of god does on a day out…in shoes.

    But seriously, there must be a pair of heels in any girls bug out kit. Just as every guy has a set of leathers and a tux (James Bond like) in his carry on bag/Go Kit. The bow tie would be in the pocket as it is somewhat informal during a Zombie Apocalypse, yet always available. The watch and matching belt are invaluable to a survivor.

    Thanks for the writing anninyn. Books? They will survive.

    Reply

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