Movie Review: LIFE [2017]

LIFE is a dark movie about death. Violent and inevitable death.

Oh, the joys of living on The International Space Station (ISS) with people on earth trying to micromanage your every move but, at the same time, couldn’t help you find your toothbrush.  These scientists are delighted to be living on the ISS answering the questions of elementary school children about where they shit.

Spoilers below. Continue reading “Movie Review: LIFE [2017]”

Watch Out: Primal [2010]

Primal is a movie I found accidentally. I can’t tell you what to look for if you want to find the genre because I don’t really understand what twists and turns brought me to a life where I have now not only watched this movie but I also want you to watch this movie.
Whoever you are, you should watch Primal. Not because it’s a “good movie” but because you should see it. Like 2001: A  Space Odyssey … Yes, I’m saying I didn’t think that was a good movie but a movie worth seeing all the same. Make no mistake, these movies are not going to be in the same place in the theatrical history books.
Primal is a cautionary treasure trove to be studied and learned from. the acting is decent and the writing is really okay.

Continue reading “Watch Out: Primal [2010]”

Watch Out: Lucy Garland Psychotic Bunny Makeup Tutorial

For some bizarre reason, Lucy Garland’s youtube channel only has about 100k subscribers.  This is insane considering her talent and production level. Sure she mainly focuses on avant-garde drag queen recreations… Hopefully, you’ll take a gander at the gem below and realize this woman could be the edge you need to make your next Patient Zero costume.
Sure the bunny portion might not be for everyone, but the  infected sickness version sure is.
Do you want to:

  • Trick your mom into letting you stay home from school for a straight week?
  • Win best costume without having to really make a costume?
  • Convince the government you’re recording your last will and testament while dying in a hovel in the jungles of South America?

Watch Lucy Garland in the Psychotic Bunny makeup tutorial below:


Obviously, now you’re deeply interested in Lucy Garland’s talents. No one blames you.
If you’re a hard sell and need additional evidence of the amazing Aunty Entity (Tina Turner in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome) possibilities you can achieve with her guidance, here are some of her instagram gems:

tried @sashavelour face, loved it! Eyebrows 10/10

A post shared by LUCY GARLAND (@lucygarland) on

A post shared by LUCY GARLAND (@lucygarland) on

A post shared by LUCY GARLAND (@lucygarland) on


Also, you’re welcome.

Wasps: The nightmare is upon us.

So, I think wasps are going to cause the apocalypse. Not even the kind with the weird parasite that turns them into zombies, just – regular wasps. It’s probably because I’m a wasp bigot – I hate them more than any living thing aside from mosquitos – but I think they’re more of a risk than zombies or asteroids or even fucking sentient badgers.
I say this because I am increasingly convinced we have a wasps nest in our house. Somewhere, in my home (i think in the chimney) these nasty, malevolent, alien-minded hive creatures have taken up residence. And GOD they’re awful. Monstrous, evil things armed with poison machine-guns, only kept in check by environmental pressures. They die in the cold, and that’s good.
If those environmental pressures are removed, I forsee a world over-run by wasps. A world where we hide in the few places left on eart that these vicious insects can’t get into. A world where the wasps rule us, not through intelligent evil but just through unthinking malice, because it’s their nature to breed and nest and sting. They will feast on the rotting produce of our fruit trees and nest in our homes, and we will eventually run out of poison to do the job of killing them.
Beware of the wasps, because they could drive us out of our lives without changing a single thing about themselves. We can’t reason with them or beat them, because all it needs is for one to survive. You kill the nest by killing the queen, but just one larvae needs to survive. They may even be intelligent – like ants their hive works like a brain – but if they are it’s a sort of intelligence we will never understand or comprehend. The nsture of an individual will be uncomprehedable to them. The concept of said individual having rights will be even more bizarre – after all, they sacrifice their own for the nest, and we don;t give a shit for our fallen skin cells.
Enough stings from wasps will kill even the hardiest of humans. people like me will die in a matter of half a dozen or a dozen. And what a painful way to go that will be.
Wasps. Motherfucking wasps.
Destroy them where you see them, because they could be our doom.
 
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