The Apocalypse of the Mind

Surviving the Apocalypse will probably be the most stressful thing you ever do. Considering that many of us (your fair writer included) already have mental health issues when we live in a developed country with clean water, regular food access, and life-saving medicine, what on earth are we to do when everything is on fire and the zombies are at the gate?
Well, the standard advice for managing mental health issues is even more important when everyone you love has died in front of you.

Talk about it:

Reach out to whatever community you have around you, whether that be your fellow mutants, your pet radioactive cats, or actual people (lucky!). Talk about your feelings, good and bad, and work out ways to manage them – together. A therapist or counsellor would be excellent, but since they’re all dead consider drawing a face on a sack of live rats and talking to that instead.

Eat healthy:

Alright, so you’re probably pretty limited on your diet right now, but do your best. Don’t just eat the canned beans – add some freeze-dried fruit and some mysterious green stuff from the cave walls to your diet, too. Your brain needs a balanced diet!

Try journalling:

There’s nothing like twenty pages of ‘Kill them all’ to express your feelings of furious, broken rage. If you don’t have paper, write it on walls in the blood of your enemies. Bonus: It scares off FUTURE enemies!

Get some exercise: 

Death fights in the cage will increase your adrenaline and help your poor tormented mind pump out serotonin. Plus, the rush that comes with surviving another day might block out all those terrible memories for an hour or two.

Don’t be ashamed to try medication:

Ok, so you might not have access to a psychiatrist or even a GP any more, but that glowing stuff that grows by the wasted river has to have some kind of effect, right? Right?

Meditation works wonders:

Block out the noise of screaming and gunfire and take deep breaths, imagining yourself in a peaceful natural scene that no longer exists anywhere.

Learn to self-soothe:

Lying under a bed with your fingers in your ears chanting ‘everything’s fine, everything’s fine’ might not be the healthiest activity but whatever keeps you going.

Practice self-care:

Self care means taking the time to look after your body, mind, and spirit. Whether it’s organising all your weapons by most kills, going to regular machine-god sacrifices,  or decorating your trophy skulls, be sure to set aside some time and avoid burnout.
 
We hope this helps you with your deteriorating mental state and keeps you alive and with it enough to grimly and stubbornly claw your way through another day.
(please note, this is not actual advice for mental health conditions. Please see your doctor if you feel like you may be depressed, anxious or otherwise mentally unwell. If you are considering suicide, reach out to someone on this list of crisis aids. This article is a work of humor)

Why assumption will get you killed.

There’s a saying ‘To Assume makes an Ass out of U and Me’. I hate that saying, because it’s stupid and because it uses the American ‘ass’ and as far as I’m concerned that’s a donkey. I think that the saying should be ‘Assumptions will mean you starve to death or die of cholera’ but admittedly that’s not very catchy. However, it is much more accurate. Making assumptions probably won’t turn you into a donkey, but it will get you killed.
Continue reading “Why assumption will get you killed.”

Obsessed with the End.

On this website we say that we are ‘obsessed with the apocalypse, in all it’s trivial detail’ and I think that’s true. But where does such an obsession start? How does it get it’s claws in someone? How does it turn a sweet- if somewhat strange- child into a paranoid, constantly planning freak?
Continue reading “Obsessed with the End.”

Where do you see yourself in five years?

I have never answered this question honestly. My concern over the apocalypse forces me into a state of constant paranoia and readyness. Even typing this update, I am aware of three ways out of my house; where the nearest weapon is; where the nearest armour is and the best place to go for initial shelter. It’s time to be honest.
Continue reading “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Post-apocalyptic Fashion: What to Wear

It’s a tricky prospect. The world’s ended, but you still want to look good. The new existance demands a certain aesthetic, but it also demands practicality. And where on earth are you going to find your new clothes? Well, as in all things, I am here to help. Number One tip: Buy your survival clothes long before it becomes an issue. In this article, I do half the work for you. You just have to click the links and spend the money!
Continue reading “Post-apocalyptic Fashion: What to Wear”

How nerdy pursuits could save your life.

Recently I spent a good proportion of a day in a dark, smoky room, confused by loud noise while other people snuck around and tried to shoot me. What on earth was I doing? I was playing Quasar with some friends, and it struck me that this was remarkably good practice for the end times. Hear me out. It sounds weird, but in a country where guns and assault courses are only really available for the military or over-priced stag weekends, what better? And that made me think about other nerdy or weird pursuits and how they may help with your survival choices.
Continue reading “How nerdy pursuits could save your life.”

How nerdy pursuits could save your life.

Recently I spent a good proportion of a day in a dark, smoky room, confused by loud noise while other people snuck around and tried to shoot me. What on earth was I doing? I was playing Quasar with some friends, and it struck me that this was remarkably good practice for the end times. Hear me out. It sounds weird, but in a country where guns and assault courses are only really available for the military or over-priced stag weekends, what better? And that made me think about other nerdy or weird pursuits and how they may help with your survival choices.
Continue reading “How nerdy pursuits could save your life.”