Be a zombie for pay!

It’s no secret that unemployment is high at the moment. But what would you say if you learned you could be a zombie for money? [1. unlike writing this article, which gained me no money at all. Come on, all I’m asking is for the CHANCE to be a whore for the advertisers.]

Holy fuck yes, am I right?

Well, you can.

Wish.co.uk, the people behind those ‘special experience days’ like driving a tank, are also behind the Zombie Mall and a new Zombie Manor House. Thanks to the amount of interest, they have decided to hold auditions for the role of ‘zombie’ at the Manor House.  In addition to competitive pay, new hires will also recieve movie-quality makeup and porsthetics to help them get into the role.

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Richard Kershaw, co-founder of Wish.co.uk, said:

“Hundreds of zombie fans from around the world have contacted us begging for work. Given the huge demand for our Zombie Manor House, we’re inviting these people to audition in front of our expert panel to see if they have the right stuff.

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“Why settle for a dead end job, when you can apply for an undead end job instead?”

TheManor House itself is near Manchester, so it would probably be best if you live in the area (my personal feeling is that many Mancunians won’t need much in the way of makeup to look like a zombie). Auditions, however, are being held in London’s famous Pineapple Studio on the 28th of June, so you don’t have much time.

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There are many ways to apply for the role, including posting a youtube video of yourself on their facebook page- but by far the quickest and easiest would be by clicking this link and following the instructions.

If getting a job as zombie isn’t your cup of tea, you can of course, book yourself an experience battling zombies there. All kit is provided. It costs £99 per person.

Post Apocalypse Jobs

Everyone should have a role post-apocalypse. In an ideal position, your pre-apocalypse skills should inform what you end up doing after the worst has happened, but it might not. I mean, I sit on my arse and make stuff up write, so what on earth can I do? Well, if I was in a job interview, I’d tell you I could think outside the box and come up with creative answers to problems, but post apocalypse it’s really the nitty gritty everyday stuff we need.

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I’ve decided to list some of the most common jobs and tasks you’ll need people to perform post apocalypse. I’m ignoring things like farming and scavenging as they require more detail than I can give in list format, and everyone knows about them (and if they don’t, they deserve to die).

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What to do if The Apocalypse Comes While You're at Work (or School)

 

Well, If I was at work when the apocalypse hit I’d probably run right out into the street to die. Or, I’d sneak myself into the building next door and say I’m the temp who just started that morning[1. Hmm, I think I’ll keep that one in my back pocket. Just in case.].

Most movies give us the impression that the apocalypse will hit when we wake up at 10am on Saturday morning. Upon seeing carnage in the streets or feeling tremors shake our house, we’ll pack up our families and our prized possessions. Then we’ll get in the car and frantically loot the well stocked stores nearby and team up with a nurse, criminal, and police officer at the local mall.

That’d be nice…

Unfortunately, most of us spend about thirty percent of our week getting to or being at work. If you’re in college then you could be any number or places on or around campus, but colleges do have amazing hideout potential (some even underground networks).

If you find yourself at work during the apocalypse and choose not to exile yourself, your first priority is saving yourself. Your second priority, however, is choosing your role. Not what you were at work, but what you want to be in this situation. It might be to your advantage to play up some stereotypes or lie a lot about who you are and what you’re capable of.

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