Can't Live Without [July '17]

Crayon Shin-chan

Starting the day with the news is horribly depressing. Instead, I watch cartoons. Specifically, this summer, I’ve been all about watching Shin-chan on Hulu.
When I get up and start my putzing about, I put on the Chromecast and stream Shin-chan.
Completely vulgar, inappropriate, and satirical, this show has it all. Ass dance? Got it. Joking about things that are no laughing matter? Yup. Parents regretting all their choices and just trying not to get sued? All day? Teachers, who only teach because it’s the job they happen to have? Check.
Crayon Shin-chan is a wonderfully cynical and sunny way to kick off the day. Continue reading “Can't Live Without [July '17]”

There's no power!

It won’t take long for the power to go out when the world ends. I bet you understand that, intellectually, but were you aware of just how much chaos there’ll be if the power craps out all in one go? Hell, the grid for my area went down for 20 minutes recently, and that meant two near-accidents and dozens of people wandering the streets looking confused.
“My TV is gone? Whaddido?”
I talked to my neighbours for the first time since moving in five years ago, that’s what I did. Then I sat on the sofa.
We’re so used to every element of our lives being technologically driven it can be hard for us to imagine life without it. Hell, unless you print our blog out, you won’t even be able to access it. And then what will you do when there are sentient badgers? (run.) No instant communication, no music on demand, having to rely on our own natural sense of direction and time sense… Not being able to write self-important comments on the internet (I think some people might just die at the thought. The internet is the only place they can think their opinion has weight and merit. Stop looking at me like that, I HAVE WEIGHT AND MERIT.).
They say civilisation is three meals from anarchy. Well, judging by the display of humanity the internet shows me on a regular basis, I think all it’ll take is a whole country unable to access funny cat videos for a day. I mean, these are the sort of people who care – I mean really, really care – if you liked a game they don’t, so much so they will threaten your life over it. That lack of self-awareness combined with that refusal to grasp proportion and the sheer level of mindless entitlement is a dangerous combination when something is taken away.
Trust me on this: People are awful, selfish monsters who are crap at disasters. You smuggos sitting there with ‘well I have generators and solar power’, what you gonna do when a whole load of people missing microwave popcorn come rushing down on you with makeshift weapons? The only good point is some of them are so babified by easy-use items that they’ve probably forgotten how to get out of the door. They certainly don’t REALLY know how to cook food found in the wild, or build a shelter, because shockingly for them watching re-runs of Man Vs Wild doesn’t give you practical experience. Neither does playing video games. So they’ll starve to death pretty soon waiting for the magic food pixies to come back.
And if my neighbours don’t come home and switch off their FUCKING alarm while I am trying to FUCKING concentrate I will find some way to shut down this whole city and watch it burn.
See? When humans are slightly inconvenienced, we respond as if someone murdered our dog and interfered with it’s corpse.
 
 

Post-apocalyptic communications

I’ve been having Internet problems lately. Basically, my router is rebelling and refuses to connect me to my addiction the interwebs. (The robot uprising, it is starting. Maybe.)
All of this lovely yelling at my router (in child-friendly terms, which means that my router is usually a fudge-y piece of spaghetti, occasionally the son of a blimp, and sometimes other equally ridiculous things) had me thinking about communications in the post apocalypse.
Because, you know, I depend on the Internet for communication. I mean, without the Internet, I never would’ve become friends with two women I’ve never met and have never even spoken to. And if THAT hadn’t happened, believe me when I say that the world would be a less entertaining place.
Continue reading “Post-apocalyptic communications”

The things I'll miss come the apocalypse.

So, some days I actually long for the apocalypse. You know, I stare at the world and think ‘please please please!’. In fact, just yesterday I told two Londoners that London was the reason I wanted an apocalypse- so it would be deserted and I could enjoy it properly. You know, without Londoners. Fortunately they’ve lived in Norfolk long enough that their immediate response wasn’t to glass me and take my wallet, so I was fine. Maybe a little verbally brutalised.
I’m getting off track.
The point is, that despite my almost certainly unhealthy longing for and obsession with the Big A, there are still some things I’ll miss.
Continue reading “The things I'll miss come the apocalypse.”