The Apocalypse of the Mind

Surviving the Apocalypse will probably be the most stressful thing you ever do. Considering that many of us (your fair writer included) already have mental health issues when we live in a developed country with clean water, regular food access, and life-saving medicine, what on earth are we to do when everything is on fire and the zombies are at the gate?
Well, the standard advice for managing mental health issues is even more important when everyone you love has died in front of you.

Talk about it:

Reach out to whatever community you have around you, whether that be your fellow mutants, your pet radioactive cats, or actual people (lucky!). Talk about your feelings, good and bad, and work out ways to manage them – together. A therapist or counsellor would be excellent, but since they’re all dead consider drawing a face on a sack of live rats and talking to that instead.

Eat healthy:

Alright, so you’re probably pretty limited on your diet right now, but do your best. Don’t just eat the canned beans – add some freeze-dried fruit and some mysterious green stuff from the cave walls to your diet, too. Your brain needs a balanced diet!

Try journalling:

There’s nothing like twenty pages of ‘Kill them all’ to express your feelings of furious, broken rage. If you don’t have paper, write it on walls in the blood of your enemies. Bonus: It scares off FUTURE enemies!

Get some exercise: 

Death fights in the cage will increase your adrenaline and help your poor tormented mind pump out serotonin. Plus, the rush that comes with surviving another day might block out all those terrible memories for an hour or two.

Don’t be ashamed to try medication:

Ok, so you might not have access to a psychiatrist or even a GP any more, but that glowing stuff that grows by the wasted river has to have some kind of effect, right? Right?

Meditation works wonders:

Block out the noise of screaming and gunfire and take deep breaths, imagining yourself in a peaceful natural scene that no longer exists anywhere.

Learn to self-soothe:

Lying under a bed with your fingers in your ears chanting ‘everything’s fine, everything’s fine’ might not be the healthiest activity but whatever keeps you going.

Practice self-care:

Self care means taking the time to look after your body, mind, and spirit. Whether it’s organising all your weapons by most kills, going to regular machine-god sacrifices,  or decorating your trophy skulls, be sure to set aside some time and avoid burnout.
 
We hope this helps you with your deteriorating mental state and keeps you alive and with it enough to grimly and stubbornly claw your way through another day.
(please note, this is not actual advice for mental health conditions. Please see your doctor if you feel like you may be depressed, anxious or otherwise mentally unwell. If you are considering suicide, reach out to someone on this list of crisis aids. This article is a work of humor)

Killing Zombies: What they don't tell you

The likelihood of zombies rising up and trying to eat your face isn’t the point. What is the point is that if zombies do rise up you need to be prepared to kill them or you’ll get eaten.
Everyone knows you should aim to disable a zombie’s brain to take them down for good. But what do you do before you start swinging? How do you prepare to fight instead of flee? Continue reading “Killing Zombies: What they don't tell you”

Sleep deprivation can kill you in the post apocalypse

Okay, so sleep deprivation can kill you before the apocalypse, too. It’s probably fair to say that sleep deprivation can kill you, period.
Right now, for many of us, not getting enough sleep may not be a big deal. There’s too much stuff to do, not enough hours in a day, yada yada; sleep is one of the first things to suffer. After all, there’s always the weekend to catch up, right?
But in the post apocalypse, “the weekend” won’t be an option. And sure, there will still be lots to do and probably not enough time to do them; only this time, those things you’ll need to do will actually be keeping you alive.
Continue reading “Sleep deprivation can kill you in the post apocalypse”

Survival instruction nursery rhyme

Jamie made the following comment to my last post:

I really like the idea of making up nursery rhymes that carry survival instructions. Those kinds of things will stick in a kids brain and they’ll know what to do in certain situations without knowing how they know. If the apocalypse hits, I’ll be sending any future children to whatever school you’ll be running!

This, of course, had me thinking: what kind of nursery rhyme would a set of survival instructions make? I’m sure if I did a search I’d find something, but I decided to create one instead. And of course, I’m going to share it with all of you.
Ready? Here goes.
Char’s survival instruction nursery rhyme:
Zombies are Climbing (to the tune of London Bridge)
The zombies are climbing over the walls
Over the walls, over the walls
The zombies are climbing over the walls
And they want to eat my brain
Continue reading “Survival instruction nursery rhyme”