Thinking of the apocalypse during the holidays

As I said last week, I’ve got family visiting for the holidays, so I haven’t had much time to do much of anything that doesn’t involve Christmas (or touristy things, hehe). So I thought I’d have to put the apocalypse to rest until January (because the apocalypse needs a holiday too).
Then while putzing around Amazon, I found some Kindle deals, and bought a thriller called The Breach for $0.99. (Haven’t read it? You should. Go read it. I’ll wait. Why are you still reading this post? GO READ THE BOOK.)
And THEN I discovered that it was the first book in a trilogy. Because of course it is. So I skipped off to the Kindle Store and bought the second book, Ghost Country (at full price). Because of course I did. And guess what?
IT HAS TO DO WITH THE APOCALYPSE. Because of course it does.

Image from patrickleefiction.com.

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Pregnancy is Worse Than The Apocalypse

Sure, pregnancy is like the miracle of life or some nonsense (until the machines perfect their way of making more humans…) But unlike being pregnant, I kind of want an apocalypse. I wouldn’t have to go to work. I’m chubby so I don’t expect to be anybody’s sex slave. I could rough it if I had to – if I HAD to. I wouldn’t hate having to spend some quality time locked in a mall playing dress up and sniping zombies from the roof.

All these things sound perfectly acceptable to me—possibly awesome.
However, in a post-apocalyptic world my first stop would be CVS. Well, first a bookstore or library where I’d get a book about drugs, because fokklsncindine doesn’t mean shit to me. (Maybe I should just learn that mess in the present, just in case.) Then I head to the drug store to grab the basics like antibiotics and penicillin and THE PILL. Continue reading “Pregnancy is Worse Than The Apocalypse”

10 Ways To Keep Up Morale In an Apocalyptic World

The apocalypse isn’t going to be exactly ‘chipper’. However, there’s no reason it has to always be gloomy, either.
As much as we like to think that the apocalypse will be nonstop, action packed fighting, that just won’t be the case. Maybe for the first few weeks, but there will certainly be downtime.
During this downtime, it’s important to keep up your morale so you can keep on keepin’ on, instead of checking out early. Continue reading “10 Ways To Keep Up Morale In an Apocalyptic World”

What Are Women Worth at The End of The World?

Many of the depictions of apocalyptic life we see are over the top and hyper-fictionalized.  In the few more realistic versions, there is a disquieting, reoccurring theme: women are weak and they can be broken, owned, and kept.
We see forced prostitution, the normalization of rape and capture for fun and profit, and maybe worse yet, women who stand up and act like people–especially strong people– are considered anomalous. If a woman speaks up, hunts, protects the group, or displays any skill outside of making babies, tears or meals she’s wowing the audience or they’re rolling their eyes.
The fact that a strong woman or girl invested in her survival is a novelty should be a red flag. If the apocalypse happened tomorrow, would the women you value today be seen as valuable people or just usable commodities?
Part of survival training needs to be not only developing the ability to stay alive but also the fortitude to fight for that life and your right to live it well and freely. I’ve mentioned before that part of a successful apocalyptic life, especially for women, will likely involve killing some jackholes who think they’re maleness affords them privileges to you femaleness. Continue reading “What Are Women Worth at The End of The World?”

Post-apocalypse gift ideas for the little ones

Last week I wrote the first post in my gift idea series. This week, I’m continuing with the series, but with possible gifts for kids. As with last week’s list, this week’s gives an overview of possibilities, not an exhaustive list.
When I was first compiling my product list, I went to my favorite store for sports/outdoor gear: Canadian-based Mountain Equipment Co-op. My husband got all of his hiking gear there, and we’ve all gotten jackets from there. The American-based equivalent seems to be REI (in case you’re wondering). Then, of course, I went to my old stand-by, Amazon. Because you can get pretty much anything on Amazon.
NOTE: Neither I nor ICoS are sponsored by any of the above-mentioned companies. We do not get paid for mentioning their items.
Now, on to the list!
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Evaluating the Supplies in a Disaster ‘Go Bag’

Running for you life is a moot point, though, if you’re locked up without supplies, food, or a toy of some sort. [or birth control…] I’m the girl with a purse and a half filled with pens, highlighters, extra jewelery (essential in it’s own way), three different eyeliners, binder clips, foreign coins, linoleum samples (true story), four lip balms, and no money or Advil. I need help, possibly an intervention.

I spend a ludicrous amount of time thinking about the apocalypse. Never about dying in it though; I’m not some kind of sad sack. I think long and hard about life after the apocalypse and the kinds of supplies I might need not only to survive but also to thrive happily.
What will I eat? What should I wear? Do I currently own appropriate footwear? Could it be that hard to fire a gun; bludgeon a grown man; or not get bodily fluids in my eyes, nose, or mouth?
It’s hard to say.
I mean I don’t go running every day on the off chance there might be a race between a zombie, some other survivor, and me. I’ve got Blackness and determination on my side. I may be chubby, but I strongly believe that as long as something is chasing me, I can run fast. It might be the ugliest running anyone has ever witnessed, but it’ll get me there. And when I get there, I’m locking the door behind me whether or not you’re still with me.
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Post-Apocalyptic People To Kill

Come the chaos of the apocalypse, people are going to die. Maybe en masse. Maybe slowly, but surely. Maybe by accidents. But definitely by murder. And that’s okay.

Every so often we’ll need to kill some fool who just refuses to act right or find their way to our good side. Congrats, Fool. You’re going to be an example; your life officially has meaning.

Examples of totally justifiable post-apocalyptic times to kill some folks:

Cheerleaders By prc1333
Photo Credit: prc1333

A.      The other day I saw school bus in the city and a squad of cheerleaders loading themselves onto it. That was weird. No sports team requiring encouragement, just a bus full of high school cheerleaders.

I, and a number of others, looked on quizzically. “hmm, that’s unusual,” we thought collectively.

But then there were a few others who were looking on not quizzically but lustfully. Grown ass men stared with their mouths agape to allow unencumbered panting as their eyes bugged, unblinking and their brows quirked expectantly.

Expectantly? What the fuck were they expecting? A strong wind? A well-timed tumble? A panty apocalypse paired with a strong wind and a well-timed tumble?

a.      In an apocalypse situation, that brightly colored band of super-coordinated bitches look like a heard of wounded baby gazelle to the men of the city playing the part of oversized, hungry Serengeti cats.

b.      In the post-apocalyptic world, from the first offence, this cheer squad will need to make an example of some fool to prevent further attempts at victimization. Continue reading “Post-Apocalyptic People To Kill”

Gifts for the post-apocalypse

I’m not going to comment on the sanity (or lack thereof) of the Black Friday shopping madness, and I might be a relatively new resident of the U.S., but I think it’s pretty safe to say that the holiday shopping season has begun. (Typed as I sit at my computer, switching back and forth between this document and Amazon.com’s Cyber Monday Deals Week page. See? Even my Canadian self isn’t immune to the post-American Thanksgiving shopping hype.)
What does Black Friday have to do with the apocalypse? That is, aside from possibly causing the world to collapse in on itself under the weight of a million rioting shoppers, thus causing the apocalypse? Nothing really, other than the fact that it had me wondering what gift-giving will be like in the post apocalypse.
I’ve seen a few of the gift-giving guides that pop up this time of year, and I thought to myself, “Hmm…there should be one of those for the post-apocalypse survivor!” I mean, at some point in time people are going to start celebrating birthdays, apocalypse survival holidays, the rise of the dictator days, etc. etc. It’s best to be prepared with a list of gift-giving possibilities, right?
Of course, most of these items come from apocalypse survival gear lists, but seriously, they make great gifts, too. Sure, the average survivor will probably have most of these already, but things wear out and break. Other things get lost. Other things will get stolen. So when your favorite people need replacement survival items…it’s gift-giving time! (Of course, I highly suggest stocking up on these items now, while we still have time.)
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Pumpkin Bread in a Canning Jar

This thanksgiving I tried to bring a bit of apocalyptic flair to the baking and traveling extravaganza.
As baking in jars was something I’d never done before, I used a box of pumpkin quick bread rather than try a new recipe and a new method. I did add candied ginger to the mix just because.Pumpkin Bread in Canning Jars
I used half-pint Ball jars with a quilted pattern on the outside. They have straight sides rather than tapering at the top like most jars do. This is important so that the baked good can slide right out.
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The post-apocalypse dinner party

As most of you probably know, American Thanksgiving is only a few days away. This is my first Thanksgiving in the U.S.; it’s also the first Thanksgiving where I’m required to do the cooking myself (sadly, there’s no one around to do the cooking for me, since my family–namely my mother–is still in snowy, wintry Canada).
Now that I have to think about making a slightly fancier dinner for my hubby and kids, I (of course) got to thinking about dinner parties in the apocalypse. What will those by like?
Obviously, I’m not saying that survivors will be hosting dinner parties immediately after the world ends. No, no. I don’t think people will have get togethers like these until, oh, I don’t know… Not until people are settled into survival camps and a defensive perimeter is set up, anyway.
But at some point, someone’s going to want to play with a zombie pinata (and so will other people), so you might end up with a dinner party anyway. And it might become a Thanksgiving dinner, though not because of the arrival of the first pilgrims. You’ve got something else to be thankful for now–you surivived the apocalypse!
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