The Hollywood Tough Girl, and why she would die immediately.

In more recent years, Hollywood has attempted to be slightly less disgustingly misogynistic in it’s treatment of women, more out of an attempt to appear forward-thinking rather than a genuine belief that women are individual human beings.

One of these slight changes is the portrayal of awesome, kick-arse female characters in films (and other media. While the title of this article refers to Hollywood, I will refer to games and comics as well).

So waht’s the problem? Here’s a woman who is able to kill zombies/aliens/robots just as well as any men, right? A positive role model, and one the ICoS girls should admire, right?

Oh, how wrong you are. Sure, I think most of these women are cool, but as for role models for women? Ehh, not so much, especially in the drastically important realm of surviving the post apocalyptic world.

 

Continue reading “The Hollywood Tough Girl, and why she would die immediately.”

The end of the world: There's a magazine for that

Last week I was putzing around Target shopping for clothes for my kids. I took a detour through the books and magazines because this is what I do every shopping trip. I don’t normally find anything–local stores never carry the magazines I want to read (Discover, Astronomy, that sort of thing) and I’m a digital reader (I love my Kindle) so I don’t get many paperbacks.

But THIS time, I struck gold. And because I’m always thinking about the apocalypse in some form or another (usually because I’m looking for possible topics to write about), my brain somehow found this one magazine, even though it was sitting in the back of the stacks.

It’s called 2012 End of the World.

I kid you not.

I’m still trying to find ways to show you guys pictures without getting a copyright violation suit slapped on me and ICoS, so you’ll have to wait a bit for screenshots. I was thinking of doing an end-times collage (using images from this and other magazines)…would that be a copyright violation? It would be a piece of art (and I use the term “art” loosely).

Anyway. I’m going to give you an overview of the magazine. And, you know, review it. Because I read this shit so you don’t have to.

WARNING: HERE BE SNARKERY. AND LENGTH.

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I can't wait to loot your house.

So, one of the most exciting aspects of a possible apocalypse is the exodus/migration/mass death and subsequent stuff left behind. Fuck all your base; all your shoes, chairs, scarves, medications, and fine dinnerware are belong to us!

When team morale is at its lowest and people are feeling all sorts of shitty and defeated. I’m going to lead them to your McMansion neighborhood and right up to your front door. We’ll take turns guarding the opening of the cul-de-sac your house is on, blocking the entrance with two Jeeps we stole from your local dealership. Snipers will take up post in your kid’s tree-house and that gazebo in your back yard. I’ll line my sad sack, rag tag team up on your front lawn and give them each a fist-sized rock from your decorative walkway. Then, on the count of three, they’ll hurl the rocks through your picturesque bay window like a bunch of drunken middle schoolers. Oh, the joy smashing through your pristine abode will bring us.

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Continue reading “I can't wait to loot your house.”

Your period post apocalypse.

OK, male readers. If you are squeamish about period talk, you may not want to read this one. But as a survival blog with female writers and a slant where we look at the stuff people don’t think about, you knew this was coming.

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Women have periods. It’s a fact. There are things that can stop a woman having her period (being very underweight or overweight, pregnancy, certain medications, certain medical conditions, menopause) but, in general, if you are a female human between about 13 and 50 you are bleeding from your vagina every month.

Continue reading “Your period post apocalypse.”

What I've learned from watching science fiction shows

I watch a lot of science fiction. I read alot of science fiction, too, but I grew up watching Star Trek and Stargate.

Yes, I’m a geek. (It’s okay, you can say it. It’s not like it’s a secret or anything.)

I realized recently that I’ve learned a few things from my steady diet of space battles. (One of them is that regardless of space being a giant vacuum, explosions will always sound…well, like big explosions. Always.) Hopefully those things will even help me post-apocalypse, but only time–and the apocalypse–will tell.

I’m concentrating on TV shows here, otherwise this post will turn into a novel. Or at least a thesis paper. (Hmm…might not be a bad thesis topic.)

Anyway. So, what have I learned from watching science fiction? Well, it depends on the show.

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Apocalyptic Travel Tips

Travel is a messy and difficult thing. Often because it involves more than just you, a point A, and a point B. There are gatekeepers who want to make sure you’re not only not a security risk but also that you’ve simply followed the rules that have been laid out. Other people will also be traveling with or along side you. If they’re children or elderly, then they’ll need to use the bathrooms and eat and just waste your time as much as they can. And, finally, there will be stuff. We’ve gone over what you can and should bring with you before the apocalypse. Now, lets look at what travel tips we should bear in mind when traveling post-apocalyptically. Continue reading “Apocalyptic Travel Tips”

Instructions for the post-apocalypse

For once, these instructions are not coming from me. Or Ann. Or Tavia.

Shocking, isn’t it?

It seems that we are not the only apocalypse-obsessed people on the planet. Also, not everyone wants to announce that obsession over the Internet.

Also shocking.

Anyway. Last week, I came across this article from Wired. And it fascinated me. So much that I decided to write about it.

It seems that, way back in the Before Time (by this I mean 1980), a little gigantor-sized monument was unveiled in Elbert County, Georgia. Called the Georgia Guidestones, it lists “post-apocalyptic commandments” for what’s left of civilization. You know, like a guide.

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A New Character is Voted Onto Dead Island

Dead Island, the playable beachy horror story set on the fictional island of  of Banoi just  announced a new playable character. This new character will be available in addition to the original four characters (who each have different classes from ranged combat to fisty brute)[1. Check out the official site for the full character profiles.]:

The new character isn’t profiled on the site because then there would be spoilers. Yup, This is a person you’ve encountered in the game before and his storyline should add a new perspective to why and how things on Banoi unfolded the way they did.

[wpspoiler name=”Deep Silver announced the character in a press release: ” ]This DLC offers a unique new perspective into the incidents in the main story of Dead Island: This time the player will get the chance to play as Ryder White, the antagonist of the main game; learn more about his motivations and why, from his point of view, he did what he had to do. This fresh take on the Dead Island story shows Ryder White both as a military man and a loving husband. The DLC stars Ryder White as a newly playable character and offers a single player campaign with several hours of story content with twists and turns that will shed new light on the game’s happenings. Two blueprints and weapons will further expand the already impressive arsenal of Dead Island. The DLC will be available on February 01, 2012 for the PlayStation®3 computer entertainment system, the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft and Windows PC. It will be available for 800 Microsoft points on Xbox LIVE Marketplace or for £7.99 on PSN and Steam. (source)[/wpspoiler]

Non-Essential But Awesome Skills To Learn Before The Apocalypse

I have mad skills when it comes to Microsoft Excel. I can cook a mean dinner. And, I’m somehow capable of folding a fitted sheet without using curse words or outside tools. None of these skills will help me survive anything outside of a housewifeing contest or the cubical wastelands — everyday life.

I was watching Ninja Warrior and I realized, there are some serious skills that are mostly useless in everyday life but would be insanely useful in apocalyptic life. Continue reading “Non-Essential But Awesome Skills To Learn Before The Apocalypse”

Survival instruction nursery rhyme

Jamie made the following comment to my last post:

I really like the idea of making up nursery rhymes that carry survival instructions. Those kinds of things will stick in a kids brain and they’ll know what to do in certain situations without knowing how they know.

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If the apocalypse hits, I’ll be sending any future children to whatever school you’ll be running!

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This, of course, had me thinking: what kind of nursery rhyme would a set of survival instructions make?

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I’m sure if I did a search I’d find something, but I decided to create one instead. And of course, I’m going to share it with all of you.

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Ready? Here goes.

Char’s survival instruction nursery rhyme:

Zombies are Climbing (to the tune of London Bridge)

The zombies are climbing over the walls
Over the walls, over the walls
The zombies are climbing over the walls
And they want to eat my brain

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