Cubicle Chronicles vs. Pajama Paradise: Decoding the Best Workplace for the Zombie Apocalypse

Hey there, survivors! So, the zombie apocalypse is finally upon us, and it’s time to answer the real questions: Should you be battling the undead in your cozy home office or gearing up for a zombie smackdown in the traditional workplace? Let’s dive into this ultimate showdown with a dash of humor, a sprinkle of confidence, and a side of questionable survival tips.

The Home Sweet Apocalypse Home: Imagine waking up to the sweet smell of zombie-free air and the comfort of your favorite coffee mug – all without leaving your fortress of solitude. Working from home during the zombie apocalypse has its perks, but is it the ultimate choice for the discerning survivor?

Pros of the Home Office:

  1. Zero Commute, Zero Zombie Traffic: You’re not dodging the undead during your morning commute; you’re dodging your cat’s attempts to sabotage your virtual meetings. Zero traffic jams, and you get bonus points for mastering the art of stealthy snack consumption.
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  2. Wardrobe Choices: Say goodbye to restrictive office dress codes! Working from home means you can take “business casual” to a whole new level – business on top, party on the bottom. Who’s judging when zombies are at the door?
  3. Personalized Apocalypse Haven: Your home office is your sanctuary, and you can decorate it with all the quirky, nerdy, or downright bizarre items that keep your morale high. A motivational sloth poster? Why not!

Cons of the Home Office:

  1. Lack of Co-worker Cover: When the undead knock on your door, you’re on your own. No co-workers to lend a hand or offer a sacrifice while you make a run for it. It’s just you, your laptop, and a dwindling supply of instant noodles.
  2. Distractions, Oh My! Trying to meet deadlines while your cat demands attention and your fridge calls your name – it’s a daily struggle.
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    Distractions are lurking at every corner, much like those zombie neighbors you’ve been avoiding.

The 9-to-5 Zombie Bunker: Now, let’s talk about the traditional office – the cubicles, the water cooler gossip, and the relentless hum of fluorescent lights. Is this seemingly mundane workplace the unsung hero of the zombie apocalypse?

Pros of the Traditional Office:

  1. Teamwork Makes the Apocalypse Work: Forget the lone wolf approach; the traditional office setting means you’ve got a squad. Your co-workers become your comrades, standing shoulder to shoulder as you fend off the zombie horde. It’s like a team-building exercise on steroids.
  2. Office Supplies as Weapons: Who needs a fancy zombie-killing arsenal when you have a stapler, a whiteboard marker, and a coffee pot? Offices are stocked with unconventional weapons – just remember, aim for the head.
  3. Routine in the Chaos: The 9-to-5 routine might be your saving grace. Clock in, battle zombies, clock out – it’s a structured plan in the midst of chaos. Plus, the office microwave is perfect for reheating last night’s canned beans.

Cons of the Traditional Office:

  1. Commute from Hell: Navigating through a zombie-infested city to reach your workplace is like playing a real-life game of “The Floor is Lava.” Public transportation becomes a deathtrap, and carpooling?
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    Not unless you’re okay with sharing your vehicle with the undead.
  2. Limited Resources: Forget about raiding your fridge or taking a quick power nap on the couch. The office vending machine is your lifeline, and sleeping under your desk is the new normal. It’s survival mode, corporate edition.

As the apocalypse rages on, the choice between the home office and the traditional workplace boils down to personal preference, survival instincts, and, let’s be honest, how well you can wield a stapler. Whether you’re rocking the pajama-clad hero look from home or embracing the cubicle chaos, one thing’s for sure – you’re a survivor with a killer blend of wit, style, and questionable survival tactics.

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May your Wi-Fi be strong and your aim be true in the zombie-filled adventures that lie ahead!

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Getting the flu during the apocalypse

A little while ago, I dropped off the face of the earth for a couple of weeks — not because I’ve been on holidays or anything (I wish I had been, though), but because I was off battling the flu. The actual, legit flu, and not just a really bad cold.

Yay me, I’m now part of this year’s flu statistics! Huzzah. The flu has been super bad this year, and the epicentre of it seems to be my city (well, the epicentre of the flu in my province, anyway). Which is fantastic and all that. I mean, having the flu sucked, but at least I managed to stay out of the hospital.

But! As I lay in bed for those two weeks, feeling like death, I thought to myself: this is all well and good now, when the worst thing I have to do is ferry my kids to and from and school (and to all of their extracurriculars because sadly, moms still don’t get sick days), but what if this happened during the apocalypse? Or during the post-apocalypse? (I’m assuming a sudden apocalypse here, like a zombie apocalypse or an alien invasion or the robot apocalypse or something, not this slow descent into madness that we’re currently living.) How will you run away from zombies when you can barely lift your head off the pillow?

Let’s face it: as much as I’m constantly told that the flu is “no big deal” and it will “beef up my kids’ immune systems” (this is almost always told to me by a mom who thinks it’s no big deal to send her kids to school WITH THE FLU), the flu is no joke. The flu actually kills people, which is pretty evident during this year’s flu season. (And, in fact, a lab-confirmed case of the flu once sent my otherwise healthy oldest child to the ICU. The ICU, you guys. In an ambulance. When she deteriorated, she deteriorated fast.)

Unlike having a cold, the flu can — and does — take people right out of commission. You can’t eat, your entire body aches, you have a super high fever, you can barely sit up, let alone run away from zombies…

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in other words, it’s not an ideal condition to be in when you’re trying to stay alive. And on top of all that, flu season is in the middle of winter, so not only will you be trying to keep down food more substantial than a Premium Plus cracker, you’ll also likely be trying to stay warm when it’s -20° outside. While trying to outrun zombies.

Hopefully zombies get really sluggish in the cold. Because that would be handy.

In any case, it will not be a fun time.

So, what can you do to survive an apocalypse flu?

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(Unless, of course, the flu causes the apocalypse. That is one hardy virus, so who knows, maybe a mutated strain is the cause of the epidemic that ends up killing us all.) Aside from just not getting the flu (ha), I guess the best thing to do is to hunker down somewhere until the worst of it passes.

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So, travel with at least one other person, who can watch out for you while you thrash around in a feverish delirium to make sure you don’t become zombie lunch. (It goes without saying that you should actually trust this person.)

Hopefully, you’ll also have packed some of the following in your bug out bag:

  • Cold and flu meds: things like Tylenol Complete, Benylin All in One, Advil Cold and Sinus
  • Cough syrup if you get hit with a horrible cough
  • Cough drops/lozenges. I’m a big fan of Ricola myself, but my husband likes Fisherman’s Friend
  • Kleenex. Lots and lots of Kleenex
  • Extra layers of clothes or blankets, for when you get the chills
  • Water
  • Lipton Chicken Noodle soup, which is the best thing since sliced bread when you’re sick (no, really)
  • Tomato soup in a can, if you don’t like Lipton Chicken Noodle (you monster) (also, if you don’t have access to a stove, this is probably better)
  • A can opener, for your canned soup or beef broth or whatever
  • A thermometer, so you can keep track of how high your fever gets (you know, for funsies)
  • Antibiotics, like azithromycin or amoxicillin, in case you develop complications like bacterial pneumonia or bronchitis
  • Antivirals, like Tamiflu

Hopefully you won’t have to deal with this, but if you do, I hope you’ve got a trusted friend or family member travelling with you to keep you safe from zombies and winter weather and to help nurse you back to health.

Also, if it’s winter, hopefully you haven’t actually gone anywhere and you’re hunkering down at home, where there is a bed. And walls. There may not be any heat or running water, but at least you’ll have walls and a roof.

Um, I hope.

Stuffed Fables: an adventure book game

I’ve written about Stuffed Fables on my (not yet live) (new) personal blog, but I thought it was geeky enough to mention here at ICoS. About a month ago, my husband was at the mall by himself, picking up a tablet that had been repaired. I’m pretty sure he stayed for a bit and looked around so he could justify spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to find parking, because the particular mall he went to has an insanely busy parking lot, especially on weekends. (We avoid going there when we can.)

Anyway, I digress. The point is, as he wandered around looking at…whatever it is one looks at while at the mall, he went to Discovery Hut and discovered a new board game called Stuffed Fables. He described it to me as “D&D for kids.” Okay, sold.

So. What is Stuffed Fables? Basically, it’s a thematic cooperative game with several different stories to play through. The official website describes it as an “adventure book game,” where gameplay is contained to a book. It’s a large, spiral-bound book and the pages are basically glossy cardstock, but it is in fact a book. It’s actually a really neat idea, since the story, the rules, and the board itself are kept together in one spot. There are a lot of loose bits and pieces, though, like cards, dice, buttons, and character miniatures, so make sure to keep the box to keep it all contained. The game is for ages 7 and up; my four-year-old doesn’t play, but he’s in charge of handing out the buttons and hearts (we call him Button Man; he thinks it’s great because he still has a role to play). My older two kids think it’s the best game since Super Smash Bros.

You guys, this game is so much fun. My kids are actually asking to play. It takes hours to get through one story, so we’ve started splitting it up over two afternoons (we play one story over a weekend). There are seven stories in the book, but the company adds mini stories and whatnot to the website as well.

The stories are very well developed, and the characters are fun (the miniatures are also fun). I think it’s a great way to introduce this type of game to kids. And — bonus — it’s also a great way to spend time together as a family (assuming, of course, that spending time together as a family is a thing you want to do).

It is super, super fun, and I highly recommend it.

Photos

To help you see what the game looks like, here are some photos, taken during one of our games. (I think we were working our way through Story 3 in these photos.)

stuffed fables 5
Group shot! Character miniatures of the “good guys.” From left to right: Flops the bunny, Theadora the teddy bear, Lumps the elephant, Lionel the lion. Missing: Stitch the ragdoll and Piggle the pig.

 

stuffed fables 4
Overhead shot of the board side of the book, with miniatures at their starting spots.

 

stuffed fables 3
En garde! Theadora battles a boss.

 

stuffed fables 2
The good guys surround a boss in battle. That cleaver, though.

 

stuffed fables 1
A darkheart (one of the bad guys), with Lionel (a good guy) in the background.

 

Doesn’t this game look fun? Have you played? What did you think?

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I'm Going to My Happy Place… The Far, Far Range from Slime Rancher.

According to XBox’s statistics, I’ve played more than 72 hours of Slime Rancher. That feels about right.

I’ve mentioned before that Winter in New England is one of the forgotten circles of Hell. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and create the reality you want to live in. The place I want to be my reality is The Far, Far Range from Slime Rancher. I want to live in a place inhabited by greedy slime and stupid chickens.

My husband would pick up Slime Rancher every so often and ask aloud, “How do you win this game?”

Winning isn’t the point. Not for me at least. Sure you could get all the achievements or, like me, aim to finish the Slimepedia. However, I find myself picking up Slime Rancher, not for the challenge of finishing it but for the feeling playing it. I just want to play. The dopey Slimes just want to play (and eat, they eat a lot).

Continue reading “I'm Going to My Happy Place… The Far, Far Range from Slime Rancher.”

The Apocalypse of the Mind

Surviving the Apocalypse will probably be the most stressful thing you ever do. Considering that many of us (your fair writer included) already have mental health issues when we live in a developed country with clean water, regular food access, and life-saving medicine, what on earth are we to do when everything is on fire and the zombies are at the gate?

Well, the standard advice for managing mental health issues is even more important when everyone you love has died in front of you.

Talk about it:

Reach out to whatever community you have around you, whether that be your fellow mutants, your pet radioactive cats, or actual people (lucky!). Talk about your feelings, good and bad, and work out ways to manage them – together. A therapist or counsellor would be excellent, but since they’re all dead consider drawing a face on a sack of live rats and talking to that instead.

Eat healthy:

Alright, so you’re probably pretty limited on your diet right now, but do your best. Don’t just eat the canned beans – add some freeze-dried fruit and some mysterious green stuff from the cave walls to your diet, too. Your brain needs a balanced diet!

Try journalling:

There’s nothing like twenty pages of ‘Kill them all’ to express your feelings of furious, broken rage. If you don’t have paper, write it on walls in the blood of your enemies. Bonus: It scares off FUTURE enemies!

Get some exercise: 

Death fights in the cage will increase your adrenaline and help your poor tormented mind pump out serotonin. Plus, the rush that comes with surviving another day might block out all those terrible memories for an hour or two.

Don’t be ashamed to try medication:

Ok, so you might not have access to a psychiatrist or even a GP any more, but that glowing stuff that grows by the wasted river has to have some kind of effect, right? Right?

Meditation works wonders:

Block out the noise of screaming and gunfire and take deep breaths, imagining yourself in a peaceful natural scene that no longer exists anywhere.

Learn to self-soothe:

Lying under a bed with your fingers in your ears chanting ‘everything’s fine, everything’s fine’ might not be the healthiest activity but whatever keeps you going.

Practice self-care:

Self care means taking the time to look after your body, mind, and spirit. Whether it’s organising all your weapons by most kills, going to regular machine-god sacrifices,  or decorating your trophy skulls, be sure to set aside some time and avoid burnout.

 

We hope this helps you with your deteriorating mental state and keeps you alive and with it enough to grimly and stubbornly claw your way through another day.

(please note, this is not actual advice for mental health conditions. Please see your doctor if you feel like you may be depressed, anxious or otherwise mentally unwell. If you are considering suicide, reach out to someone on this list of crisis aids. This article is a work of humor)

American Carnage: An interview with contributing author Rick Shingler

Welcome to Day 3 of interviews with the American Carnage crew! My review of the anthology is here. This is our last day of interviews. This final interview is with Rick Shingler, writer of the story “The Day the Earth Turned Day-Glo.” Again, please note: discussion is welcomed, but keep it respectful. I know that the anthology’s theme has the potential for controversy, so comments will be monitored.

Note: answers are unedited/uncensored/unwhathaveyou. All answers, thoughts, and opinions are from the authors.

Also note: this interview is on the long side.

First, tell us a bit about yourself. Any fun and interesting factoids?

I’ve always sort of wondered what story Alex Trebek would ask me to tell during the boring meet and greet part if I was ever on Jeopardy. Maybe I would tell one of my weird celebrity encounter stories, like clothes shopping at a flea market with stand-up comic Emo Phillips or helping Geraldo Rivera’s mom pick out a Christmas present for her son or the time I had a phone conversation with BB King and didn’t know it until after hanging up the phone. Or maybe I’d tell something about my family, like the story of how my wife and I accidentally birthed our daughter without medical assistance in the bathroom at her folks’ house. But when I really think about it, I’d probably just say something boring about growing up in Ohio or living in New Jersey. (Editor’s note: wait, what? Tell me more about this accidentally natural home birth. Is your wife secretly a super hero? Because I’ve been in labor, and yeah, there’s no way I’d do that without nerve-numbing assistance.)

Tell us a bit about your writing. Are you usually a fiction writer, or did you make an exception for this anthology?

I’ve always considered myself to be a fiction writer. I’ve written plays, comic scripts, short stories and even a novel adaptation of Shakespeare’s “Pericles”, reworked as a comic space opera. I always have a few works in progress, because I have gadfly-sized attention span stands in direct opposition to my high level of commitment to any project I undertake. The good folks at Psycho Drive-In have been gracious enough to let me ramble and grumble about TV shows and movies from time to time, but my heart is in storytelling, even if my voice has been slow to be heard. I’ve gotten so good at shrugging off form rejection letters and emails that I’m almost able to pretend that it doesn’t chip another huge hunk out of my soul every. Single. Damn. Time. When I write, my goal is to entertain myself, because I’m likely to be one of the very few who ever actually reads it. If it’s made for me and I get to read it, it’s never going to be an TOTAL waste of time, right?

Speaking of the anthology, what drew you to it? Why did you decide to submit a story?

I may be mistaken, but it seems that the idea of an anthology of stories inspired by the titles of punk songs had been discussed amongst some of the PDI contributors before the 2016 election even happened. Once we crossed that milestone, the concept felt like a mandate for all of us. Over the past couple of years, our Western society has edged closer and closer to a place that would make George Orwell say, “You can’t make this shit up”. I wanted to be one of the voices of rage calling out in the darkness and maybe even a tiny beacon of hope in this burgeoning dystopia.

And that might be corny and is almost certainly self-delusional, but what else am I gonna do?

Tell us about your story. What inspired you to write it?

Honestly, this wasn’t even the story I set out to write. I was working from a different song title and everything. My original story pitch was called “Suspect Device” after the Stiff Little Fingers’ tune. I started working on it but was really struggling to pull it together. When I get truly stuck like that, one of the techniques that sometimes works is to back away from the story, look at it on a macro scale, and try to figure out where the obstruction popped up. It’s kind of like running a mental plumber’s snake through the clogged toilet of my brain. This time that process revealed to me that one of the main characters (arguably the central character of the entire plot) was a boring, dimensionless scoop of vanilla ice cream.

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“Suspect Device”, it turned out, was the story that takes place only after his story happens. This would have been fine if I was writing a novel, but it was too much of a digression for a short story.

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With that in mind, I realized that his background story was a story of its own, and that story is the one that you find in this anthology. I hope to revisit “Suspect Device” again someday to see if I can shake it loose.

Incidentally, the technology that serves as the centerpiece of “The Day the Earth Turned Day-Glo” represents a bit of creative self-cannibalization.

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Once upon a time, I convinced myself that it would be a great idea to write the book for a spy thriller rock opera based entirely on Electric Light Orchestra music. It was to be a story of two estranged lovers, each a world-class spy, who discover respectively that they are working separate angles of the same case. A villainous, reclusive businessman known to the world at large as Mr. Blue Sky develops a technology which allows him to control the sun and they can only stop him by burying past differences and working together. Act one would have ended with the villain
blotting out the sun while an adoring crowd sings his praises. Act two would have opened with “Can’t Get It Out of My Head” as the world descends into chaos. There would even have even been a pas-de- deux between the two agents to “Last Train to London”. Now that this story has been published, I’ll have to figure out another hook to pitch if I ever get stuck in an elevator with Jeff Lynne.

The anthology is about a Dystopian world (with or without aliens). Do you think that we’re closer to an apocalypse or a Dystopian society now than we have been in the past? Or are we already on our way there, without even realizing it?

I am typing this answer on the day after the collective members of the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists moved the famed Doomsday Clock to 11:58, the closest it’s been to midnight since the 50s.

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I don’t think anyone can conscionably deny the current instability of our world. We are teetering on a brink like a school bus hanging off of a bridge in a Superman cartoon. I sincerely hope we all have the sense to hold our breath and lean back in our seats before the bus goes over the side. Because, let’s face it, Superman isn’t coming and we have to figure this shit out for ourselves. The thing that keeps me up at night is how many people seem all too eager to make a run for the front of the bus just because tipping it over the edge would be different than what we’ve done in the past. I honestly don’t get it.

Things have gotten a little…heated in recent times, especially when it comes to politics. Have you gotten any pushback or criticism because of the anthology’s theme?

Not yet. Granted, it’s only been out a couple of weeks. I’ve posted links to it on my social media pages, but have (so far) only seen support from known members of the so-called resistance. It’s been crickets from those friends and family who somehow maintain their support of what passes for the GOP these days. I would welcome a little pushback, just so long as the person pushing can convince me that they have read the book. Any knee-jerk criticism without investing the time to read is just lazy and/or stupid, and I don’t have the time to bother responding to laziness and/or stupidity. There’s way too much of that, and it’s really at both ends of the political spectrum. Reducing complex policy and human rights issues to t-shirt
slogans and bumper stickers and protest signs (and Twitter posts) is dangerously reductive, but we’ve been doing it for most of my lifetime. All anyone seems to want is to “score points” on those who disagree with them using mean tweets, one-dimensional memes, and talking points. Sure, everyone wants to feel secure their beliefs, and that’s how the biased media outlets like Fox News and MSNBC thrive. It’s like being a cozy cocoon when everyone agrees with you, and we all need that sometimes. But we can all benefit from time outside of our comfort zones.

I keep thinking of how our current social media culture was presaged for me in an old comic book letters page. It was in an issue of one of Garth Ennis’ comics. I think it was Preacher, but I’m not going to go digging through back issues to find it. Some rando wrote to tell Ennis what a hack he was and how shitty his writing was and endless invective diatribe… Ennis responded to this guy in true Irishman fashion, inviting him to come to a con and say these things to his face. He pointed out how easy it is to sit in the safety of anonymity, stare at a blank sheet of paper or blank screen and pour out hatred, but when an opportunity to express these thoughts face to face came, he was confident that the letter writer would shuffle his feet and mutter unintelligibly. Sometimes I fear we have gone too far the rabbit hole of internet anonymity to ever be capable of meaningful discourse.

When you think about the future, is Future Earth a scary or an optimistic place? Or have we, perhaps, already wiped ourselves out and this is a moot point?

It’s always a little scary. The unknown always is. It would be a lie to say it hasn’t gotten a hell of a lot grimmer over the past twelve months. There’s always been a pendulum swinging back and forth. We go through a period of conservatism for a while, then it swings back to progressivism. When the progress reaches a critical point, our culture goes into a state of shock and swings back to the right until people begin to realize how utterly joyless and boring a conservative society is. The past couple of years, what with Brexit and now this nonsense here in the states, I fear that the pendulum has broken loose from its moorings and threatens to crush us all. All that said, I tend to be one that seeks the good in everyone and
every situation. I see more people finding their political and artistic voices. I see more people engaged in true political debate than ever before. I hope it can drive people to turn away from empty sloganeering and start seeking elusive philosophical truths again. There’s an old saw about the things that don’t kill us making us stronger. I think the jury is still out on whether this bullshit will kill our republic, but can you imagine how much stronger and united we will be if we can find some way to knit the fracture our childish, vainglorious, chaos-loving president is so hell-bent on widening?

Since ICoS is all about survival, do you think you’d be more likely to survive an alien invasion or a zombie apocalypse?

I don’t think I’d do so great in a zombie apocalypse. I really don’t like canned food enough for survival to feel worthwhile. Probably the alien invasion. I’d try to hitch a ride off-planet. I love to travel. Explore new places, sip exotic cocktails… (Editor’s note: I like the way you think. Assuming the aliens don’t eat or enslave me or feed me to their pets, I’d probably hitch a ride, too.)

What’s your favorite apocalyptic scenario?

What if all of the Hemsworth brothers were really just the same Hemsworth from alternate timelines, and those timelines are folding over each other like a schoolgirl’s hair braid? We are all living on borrowed time, awaiting the Great Hair-Tie when all the Hemsworths merge into one giant Voltron-like Hemsworth Overlord. The survivors of this coalesced timeline will bend in service or die in existential obscurity, flaking away like spiritual dandruff to float forever across the cosmos. Whatever the case, if it all ends up with my wife, my kids, and me safely barricaded inside of an impressively well-stocked library/liquor store/cookie bakery, it should be cool. (Editor’s note: sweet baby Groot, somebody please turn this into a movie.)

Is there anything else you’d like to tell us about yourself or your writing?

The real secret of my writing is that I have the great good fortune of sharing a bed (and a life) with an English major who is lovingly unkind in her criticism of my work. Mary keeps me tremendously honest, and has, on untold occasions, provided the filter that spared the world at large from the more idiotic bits of rattletrap bouncing inside my skull. She’s always the sounding board for my brainstorming sessions and the first person to lay eyes on anything I produce. It’s the finest support system any writer could ever hope to have.

As I look ahead, it looks like this year might be sort of a big one. I’ll be writing a new superhero comic called Empire City for up-and- coming indy publisher Empire Comics Lab with my artist buddy (and fellow Psycho Drive-In contributor) Dave Hearn. I’m putting together a pitch for my contribution to the upcoming sequel to last year’s horror crime anthology “Noirlanthotep” from PDI Press. I am redoubling my efforts to find an ending for a coming-of-age-in-the-era-of-Pac-Man novel that’s been boiling on the back plate for several months, and I hope to finish a draft of it by the end of the year. I’m hoping to find time to continue work on a period crime saga centering around a character named Nick Domino. One Domino novella is complete, and I hope to follow it with a short story before digging into the next novella so that I can package all three stories together as the first volume of three, totaling nine stories in all. But that’s a long-term plan. And as if all that’s not enough, there’s a politically-charged stage play and a screenplay adaptation of a Trevanian novel vying for my creative attention. Back here in reality, my current
column at Psycho Drive-In is called “Everybody Dies”, and is a monthly look at films based on Shakespeare’s Tragedies.