Non-Essential But Awesome Skills To Learn Before The Apocalypse

I have mad skills when it comes to Microsoft Excel. I can cook a mean dinner. And, I’m somehow capable of folding a fitted sheet without using curse words or outside tools. None of these skills will help me survive anything outside of a housewifeing contest or the cubical wastelands — everyday life.

I was watching Ninja Warrior and I realized, there are some serious skills that are mostly useless in everyday life but would be insanely useful in apocalyptic life.

1. Parkour (similar to “Free Running”)

What it is:

Parkour (abbreviated PK) is a training method which focuses on rational movement in both the natural and urban environments. The focus is to move around obstacles with speed and efficiency. Developed in France, the main purpose of the discipline is to teach participants how to move through their environment by vaulting, rolling, running, climbing and jumping. Parkour practitioners are known as traceurs. They train to be able to identify and utilize alternate, more efficient paths. Parkour can be practiced anywhere, but areas dense with obstacles offer many training opportunities. [SOURCE]

Why it would be handy:

In the rubble and destruction of the apocalypse, being quick on your feet will be vital. We won’t only need strength and stamina, but also agility. Maybe you can out run an attacker but that might change when you’re running through a highway full of dead cars or a mall full of dead bodies.

It’s a video:

2. Krav Maga

What it is:

Krav Maga  is a noncompetitive eclectic self-defense system developed in Israel that involves striking techniques,wrestling and grappling. Krav Maga is known for its focus on real-world situations and extremely efficient, brutal counter-attacks.[1] It was derived from street-fighting skills developed by Imi Lichtenfeld, who made use of his training as a boxer and wrestler, as a means of defending the Jewish quarter against fascist groups in Bratislava[2] in the mid-to-late 1930s.

Krav Maga has a philosophy emphasizing threat neutralization, simultaneous defensive and offensive maneuvers, and aggression.[SOURCE]

Why it would be handy:

Sometimes you won’t be able to run from danger. And often times you’ll be weaponless until you find and take a weapon for yourself. In these cases you’ll want to know your body can be your back up weapon. Also, if I saw someone bust out some Krav Maga and walk away with the swagger only someone who has won a fist fight can walk with, I’d be hard pressed to find a reason to fuck with them.

3. Herbology

What it is:

Herbalism is a traditional medicinal or folk medicine practice based on the use of plants and plant extracts. [SOURCE]

Why it would be handy:

Finding a doctor for every little ailment at the end of the world will be almost impossible. However, instead of being that tool who dies of gingivitis or a scraped leg, learn some hippy science and live a little longer.

4. Meditation

What it is:

Meditation is any form of a family of practices in which practitioners train their minds or self-induce a mode of consciousness to realize some benefit.

Why it would be handy:

The end of the world is going to be one high stress situation after another wrapped up in a high stress situation box. People will be more annoying and harder to avoid. There will be no shitty TV shows or emocore to zone out to. Mental stability will be constantly tested. You’ll need a way to plug out and just relax. In the post-apocalypse, if you want to survive, taking care of your inner you will need to be a priority.

5. Magic

What it is:

Magic is the art of manipulating aspects of reality either by supernatural means or through knowledge of occult laws unknown to science. [SOURCE]

Why it would be handy:

It’s magic! Imagine being able to force push or create light with the twitch of your wrist…

6. Manipulation

What it is:

Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics.[1] By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at the other’s expense, such methods could be considered exploitative, abusive, devious, and deceptive. Social influence is not necessarily negative. For example, doctors can try to persuadepatients to change unhealthy habits. Social influence is generally perceived to be harmless when it respects the right of the influenced to accept or reject it, and is not unduly coercive. Depending on the context and motivations, social influence may constitute underhanded manipulation. [SOURCE]

Why it would be handy:

We’ve gone over the people you may meet in your post apocalyptic life, and how they’ll probably hate you and how useless you are. But, it’s important that they never find out how useless you are so that you can stick around and not be wolf/zombie bait.

 

Any other awesome skills we should put on our “to learn” list?

tavia.

My parents let me watch and read way too much science fiction and fantasy when I was a child. Now that I'm grown, I'm bored and I can't wait for SkyNet to awaken or the super-virus to cull the human population. I'll be safe because I've learned to reason with robots from Data and the Terminator franchise... and I eat gummy vitamins by the fist-full.

6 Replies to “Non-Essential But Awesome Skills To Learn Before The Apocalypse

  1. This is wonderful! Lol. Oh, my gosh. Really. I read this out loud to my husband and he just laughed. I don’t think he realizes that we seriously should learn all of this.

    Great post. 😀

    1. It would be so much fun to train for some crazy apocalypse themed triathlon course thing with a friend or the husband. Unfortunately, I think convincing someone to do it with me might be a bit of a tough sell…

  2. Herbalism reference book (that I edited): check
    Meditative practice: check
    Magic wand: check
    Kung fu: who cares, I can zap y’all with my magic wand

    I think I’m set.

    1. You’re far better off than I am:
      I grew a potato once. (but many other house plants died before it. and once winter came, I gave right up on it.)
      I can sleep through anything except stress…
      I can slap fight like a flimsy twelve year old boy who learned fighting from watching Newsies.

  3. I think some of these would definitely be essential, such as parkour, krav maga and especially herbology. Any one of those could save your life in one way or another. Now…to work on the magic aspect!

    1. On magic, I think it might be handy to mix it with manipulation until you master it. If people believe you know magic, you’ve got an edge. Also, if people believe you know magic, it give you time to actually learn magic without the voice of dissent buzzing in your ear.

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