Killing Zombies: What they don’t tell you

The likelihood of zombies rising up and trying to eat your face isn’t the point. What is the point is that if zombies do rise up you need to be prepared to kill them or you’ll get eaten.

Everyone knows you should aim to disable a zombie’s brain to take them down for good. But what do you do before you start swinging? How do you prepare to fight instead of flee?

1. Accept that zombies are not people. 

One of the first things you’ll need to address in you potentially zombie infested future is that zombies come form people. People you use to know and not want to kill violently. In the early days the zombies will probably still look like those same people– except violently unreceptive to your presence.

2. Don’t get surrounded.

I never liked crowds, they can’t be trusted. Ever since I saw a documentary about people being crushed to death at a Who concert. The most effective way to get yourself murdered is to get yourself surrounded by a number of predators looking to kill you or indifferent moving parts with the collective ability to kill you. Regardless of your location, you should always have an out.

3. Arm yourself reasonably.

When I was little, I played softball. Poorly. Why wasn’t I any good at softball? Because I was too weak to swing a full sized softball bat. Once I switched to a bat suited to my build (and still made of metal), I was one of my teams best hitters (then I had the problem of forgetting to pay attention once I got on base– apparently your turn doesn’t end after you reach first base.).

4. Pay attention.

Ann wrote about how movie women like to set themselves up to be killed swiftly and ugly. If you’re concentrating on the sexy roll of your hips, running in high heels and a short skirt, or listening to music because you’re too cool for school, you’re gonna get got real quick. So maybe everything seems all clear and there are no zombies in sight. That does not mean you should hop in the shower, turn up the music and  start lathering up from head to toe. Just like you wouldn’t leave your valuables unattended in a bad neighborhood just because you don’t see any criminals right now, you should leave your back unwatched because you don’t currently see or hear any zombies.

5. Be a lot selfish.

Example: The Walking Dead season 2 episode 3

Better them than you. You’re not going to be able to save everyone or talk down an angry zombie or 16. Sometimes, while What’s-Her-Face is swinging away, you should be running. Yes, sometimes you should let other people kill the zombies and just run for your life because that’s really the point, isn’t it– saving your life.

tavia.

My parents let me watch and read way too much science fiction and fantasy when I was a child. Now that I'm grown, I'm bored and I can't wait for SkyNet to awaken or the super-virus to cull the human population. I'll be safe because I've learned to reason with robots from Data and the Terminator franchise... and I eat gummy vitamins by the fist-full.

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