I'd like my microchip now, please.

Mind control microchips are a fun thing to fear and speculate on. Well, for me. I’m kind of a scatterbrained-forgets-a-lot. I often mean to do things then hours (or seconds) pass and the thing is not only not done but also an annoying ghost of a memory. I lose all the scraps of paper I make notes on; I set reminders on my phone a leave it in another room; and, I have a dozen half finished projects I don’t know how to keep track of. I need a microchip. In my brain.

Most people would be adamantly against having a microchip implanted in their brains for fear of becoming part of the hive mind and having their privacy invaded. That’s what social networking does already except you’re far less productive and original.

I don’t need originality, just productivity. I’m crippled and saddened by my inability to just get shit done.

Sure, I won’t be able to publicly dislike Coke Zero and all my actual preferences will be cataloged and sold so advertisers can invade my dreams… but is that really any worse than dreaming about mysterious shit you can only half remember? I wouldn’t hate having the super-celebrity Pepsi commercials jazzing up my dreamscape.

However, I have been reading the Dollhouse graphic novel and it has been enlightening me to the downsides of corporate-run mind-jacking.

Mainly, a ragey body-snatching apocalypse where you can augment yourself with skills like a video game character.

Oh! That would be perfect. Not the entire implant just the augment interface so I could upload skill like organization and punctuality and get rid of the lyrics to Ninja Rap.

Yes, transhumanism needs to be taken more seriously so I can get digital upgrades without the commercials!

Who’s with me?

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