How Do You Know If Your Friend Is Going To Turn Zombie?

By | April 14, 2011

Usually a zombie is clearly a zombie. But sometimes you’re not sure if it’s paranoia cocking your gun and pointing it at your friend’s head or logical detachment.

He has a wound and it’s bloody. No one, not even him or the zombie whose attack he just survived can be sure he hasn’t been exposed. How do you know he won’t turn? What if he’s the one zombie who turns and still walks and talks normally while picking individuals in the group off one by one when no one is looking? Some kind of serial killer predator zombie…

1. Does Friend seem to be suffering disproportionately to the size of the wound?
Now maybe Friend is just a pussy. Most of us have never been wounded and had to just suck it up and deal. Give Friend the benefit of the doubt. However, if Friend has a small scratch on the arm and is suddenly vomiting blood 1 you might want to start digging a nice wide hole.

2. Is Friend still making sense?
Sometimes we get a bop on the head and it takes us a little while to shake it off. We’ll say strange things about the allure of George Michael’s shadow beard 2 and how we’ll be just fine after a nap, ignoring the fact that we’re currently in the middle of a parking garage. However, that shit wears off. Soon-ish, though, Friend needs to get it together and speak in full sentences or he can mumble incoherently to himself while he digs his own hole.

3.  Is Friend someone you’ve been secretly trying to get out of your party or hoping would leave on their own?
Secretly is important here. Overt distaste for a person and taking their life in your hands will paint you in full on Monet-style ugly. Everyone will see you as a fake-friendly, someone who wins trust just to betray it. Every kind act you do will be questioned and you better believe when you get your scratch, the shovels will be out before you can say, “But I’m not even bleeding!”

Other than that? Watch and wait. Disarm Friend and let him work with the rest of the group. Tie him up at night in case he changes in his sleep. If after a week he’s still eating a steady diet of people food and the wound is healing normally lower your guard a little 3

 

 

  1. Ever, as a result of a scratch on the arm would be too soon to start vomiting blood.
  2. George Michael’s shadow beard: 
  3. Never completely lower your guard, zombies will eat you but people will victimize you.

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