Maintaining a healthy relationship post-apocalypse

In most of the western world romantic love is the ideal. From day one we are told it will conquer all, that there is a specific kind of ‘true’ love that overwhelms all obstacles and ensures your safety and happiness. This is a lie. Love exists, but a happy and successful relationship post-apocalypse will need a lot more than just love.  I decided to talk about how to keep yourself- and your relationship- alive and healthy in the hellish future.

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Lets talk for a bit about the sort of love we’re told to expect by the media. This love is wild, dramatic. It happens when two people who seem to really dislike each other meet in a stressful circumstance. Regardless of how incompatible they are, they fall in love, which makes it great. Because that totally works in real life. If you’ve had more than one or two relationships I shouldn’t need to tell you this is nonsense. That kind of ‘love’ rarely lasts, and is rarely healthy or supportive when it does. More to the point, if required to survive, it will get you killed.

Picture this. You are hunting for food. Just you and your lover. Awww. But you disagree on which way to go! Your hollywood-approved belligerent sexual tension means you argue, and snipe at each other over which way to go. You’re distracted- so distracted you don’t hear the threat sneaking up on you. BAM. You’re now slaves to a set of raiders. How could you have solved this? Well, several ways, but for the purposes of this post we’ll talk about the ideal Apocalypse survival relationship skills.

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What to do if The Apocalypse Comes While You're at Work (or School)

 

Well, If I was at work when the apocalypse hit I’d probably run right out into the street to die. Or, I’d sneak myself into the building next door and say I’m the temp who just started that morning[1. Hmm, I think I’ll keep that one in my back pocket. Just in case.].

Most movies give us the impression that the apocalypse will hit when we wake up at 10am on Saturday morning. Upon seeing carnage in the streets or feeling tremors shake our house, we’ll pack up our families and our prized possessions. Then we’ll get in the car and frantically loot the well stocked stores nearby and team up with a nurse, criminal, and police officer at the local mall.

That’d be nice…

Unfortunately, most of us spend about thirty percent of our week getting to or being at work. If you’re in college then you could be any number or places on or around campus, but colleges do have amazing hideout potential (some even underground networks).

If you find yourself at work during the apocalypse and choose not to exile yourself, your first priority is saving yourself. Your second priority, however, is choosing your role. Not what you were at work, but what you want to be in this situation. It might be to your advantage to play up some stereotypes or lie a lot about who you are and what you’re capable of.

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The Pros and Cons of Post-Apocalyptic Cults

I spent (and am still spending) the week at a giant national training mandated, organized, and run by my job. As I sat in theback of the auditorium and listened to people chant and cheer and say motivational things to one another and generally embrace the corporate culture, my mind began to wander.

What if motivational culture, structure, schedules, and tradition we all that some people brought with them through to the post-apocalyptic world. These things are what make many difficult situations tolerable. There is a shared language and bonding in the quirkiness and need for these tools.

However, if the situation did not call for these tools and the person on stage was not a motivational speaker but a tyrannical misanthrope, we’d have ourselves a cult [1. I have a very active imagination…].

I wondered what this would look like if that hypothetical tyrant on stage was speaking, not to employees, but to survivors. What would it look like, or even feel like if this was how every morning started before your rations were handed over. Many of your needs would be covered, from food to socialization and your survival would be based on community membership. The leader doesn’t even need to be a tyrant [2. but it’s more fun to think he is], Your leaders could simply be false prophets, motivational speakers, sales folk, a resourceful marketing team, a boy band, a cheer squad, or some other individual or small group with both charisma and a respect-demanding demeanor. Continue reading “The Pros and Cons of Post-Apocalyptic Cults”

What if you're the liability?

We’ve talked about the people you may meet in the post apocalypse. We’ve also talked about possible liabilities for your survivor group. In each of these articles, we’ve assumed that you’re one of the better survivors—one who can survive, one who won’t bring down the group.

But what if you’re the liability? What do you do if you’re the pregnant woman, the pacifist praying type, the idealist, or, like me, the woman with children?

Well, I’d suggest you do whatever you can to increase your chances of survival.

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By this I mean you should increase your chances of being kept in and accepted by whatever survivor group you find and join. How do you do this if you’ve been marked as a liability?

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Liabilities

We’ve told you about Baddies. We’ve suggested the types of people you might meet. We’ve informed you of things to take into account while forming your group.

Now I’m going to list a very specific group of people: Liabilities.

These are people who, despite their skills, despite their talents and charming personalities simply aren’t worth it. Any benefit to having them around is massively overshadowed by how extraordinarily likely they are to get you killed.

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Post-apocalyptic baddies: The possibilities

We here at In Case of Survival talk a lot about the baddies you’ll potentially run into post apocalypse. I have no doubt that there’ll be bad guys aplenty after the world ends; after all, everyone will be fighting for survival.

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The possibility of death usually doesn’t bring out the best in people.

What kinds of baddies will there be?

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I really have no way of knowing—I don’t think anyone will, until we’re actually in the post apocalypse. But I’ve compiled a list of possibilities for you, along with what I think is the likelihood of that particular bad guy’s existence.

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Apocalypse dating

A couple of months ago, I wrote about falling in love during and after the apocalypse. Generally, falling in love involves meeting people and, you know, dating. So, unless your post-apocalyptic society has decided that arranged marriages are the best thing for love since Cupid invented online dating sites, you’re going to have to enter the dating world.

Unfortunately, there’s a chance the Internet will no longer exist—or will no longer exist in its current form. Either way, those handy online dating sites will likely not be around to help you meet The One. Which means you’ll have to go old school: meeting people and dating in person.

Shocking, I know. Also possibly terrifying. And potentially awkward.

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Post-apocalyptic babyproofing

The last time my toddler tried to climb the oven door to see the fun things that were happening on the stove, I had this crazy picture flash into my head. It was of my toddler climbing the ruins of a building somewhere in post-apocalyptic Earth and then falling off, only to be impaled by some random ruins below (or eaten by zombies that happened to be wandering by).

I realized a few things after this mental image popped into my head:

1. My daughter follows this climb-fall cycle far too often.
2. I have an overactive imagination.
3. What the hell are parents going to do for babyproofing post-apocalypse?

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Post-apocalyptic ceremonies.

Ceremonies are important- every human culture has them. They mark our passage through life, from birth, through adulthood, marriage, parenthood and death. Without them, your post-apocalyptic society may not collapse, but it will lack cohesion- it will be less of a society, and more of a loose collection of individuals. It’s time to think ceremony.

Now, there won;t be the time and resources to perform the ridiculous, over-ornate and costly ceremonies that exist in the west, but ceremonies will still need to exist. ANd as a leader, you will probably have to lead them, in order to solemnise them and make them seem legitimate in the eyes of your followers. Cermonies have another advantage, one the church exploited in medieval europe- if someone misbehaves, you can restrict their access to these necessary markers, effectively making them a non-person. Cunning, hey?

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How to make friends and influence zombies

There’s no doubt that friendships and networks will be important in the post-apocalyptic world. After all, people will need to band together for protection and survival. While making friends with other survivors may not be a requirement, it’s probably a good idea. Since there’s safety in numbers, you never know when you’ll need someone to watch your back. And, you know, finding a survivor group to join will probably be easier if people in that group actually like you.

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