Category: Preparedness

Cannibal Ettiquette

Posted on by anninyn
Cannibalism which took place in Russia and Lit...
Cannibalism which took place in Russia and Lithuania during the famine of 1571 (Photo credit: Wikipedia) This is you. This is your future.

Being A Polite Person When Eating A Person.

Does being a cannibal have to mean rudeness?

At some point in your post-apocalyptic future, you may be required to resort to cannabalism. Please be aware, there is no shame in this choice. You did what you had to do to ensure the survival of yourself and your community. You are still a good person, even if you’re a cannibal. Let go of the guilt.

It’ll probably help with the guilt if you at least display some basic ettiquette about the situation. Just because you’re chowing down on your friends leg is no reason to be rude about it.

But isn’t eating a person inherently rude? No! Not necessarily. I will be your guide to the complex and distrubing world of Cannibal Ettiquette.

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Drama, the survival camp, and you

Posted on by char

So over no dramathe past six months or so, I’ve realized something about myself: I hate drama. Not drama in movies or books or anything like that, but real-life drama. The kind with gossiping, rumor-mongering, backstabbing, that sort of thing. Now, I’m not saying that I’ve experienced those things in the past six months, but there’s been, well, drama. And some serious real-life flouncing. (Aside: I didn’t actually think people could flounce in real life, but it turns out they CAN.)

I have realized that if you’re going to act like a child and engage in behavior best left to grade school playgrounds, I will drop you like a hot potato. For example: if your idea of resolving conflict is to refuse to talk to the person you’ve got a problem with and instead talk to other people about that person and problem, I will drop you faster than you can say “FLOUNCING!” Or if you thrive on drama and/or cause drama because it’s fun, I will walk (possibly run) away. And yep, faster than you can say “FLOUNCING!

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”

Why? Well, for a couple of reasons. One, because life’s too short for that shit. The other, and probably more important reason, is because I’m too damn lazy to deal with that sort of crap.

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Honestly, drama takes effort. I’m a path-of-least-resistance kind of girl. You know.

This sort of behavior — and my sort of reaction (aka “run, run away”) — is all well and good now. As in, the pre-apocalypse. But what about in the post-apocalypse? (I’m assuming a terrible post-apocalypse here; the wasteland sort, possibly with zombies. Your post-apocalypse may vary.) In a survival camp, where people are doing everything possible just to stay, you know, alive, will this type of behavior be tolerated? Will drama-causers and divas be kicked out to fend for themselves?

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Or will the drama-causers and divas be the ones running the survival camp? (In which case I’m screwed.)

If it were me running a survival camp, I would likely have a no-drama policy, just because I think it’s a waste of time and effort. I’m sure there will be better things to do in camp than to recreate your junior high school experience. Of course, not tolerating drama might get me a) a massive exodus out of my survival camp; or b) ousted as benevolent dictator of said survival camp. I don’t know, it could go either way.

I think it’s possible that people will band together and overcome the urge to stir shit up and cause drama while in a life or death situation like the post-apocalypse (assuming the dire and terrible zombie wasteland type of post-apocalypse, of course).

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But I also think it’s possible that bringing people together under such stressful conditions will just bring out the worst in everybody and the drama quotient will multiply. By a factor of…well, a lot.

The cynic in me thinks that there will be drama aplenty. But that’s just me. What do you think?

Tower Defense, The Apocalypse, and YOU!

Posted on by tavia.

Tower defense games are games in which you have a limited amount or resources available to build towers to defend your safe space from waves of enemies. Each wave defeated gives way to a stronger wave and loot you can use to build more or upgrade existing towers. [Like real life, except with do-overs!]

I like to say things like, “I’m not obsessed with [thing I spend time that should be allotted to other things doing].”

Sometimes I’ll be playing my tower defense game and not realize that an entire flight from Phoenix to Boston has passed me by. Hm… But it’s not because I want to, it’s because I must—I’m the God of Front Doors! I must protect my nouns.

This week (month?) that statement is directed at a tower defense game on my phone called Castle Defense (or Castle TD once it’s downloaded…) Creative moniker’s are not a staple of the genre.

The thing about tower defense games though, is it’s not really about “fun,”“survival,” or even “winning”. It’s about PERFECT!

I don’t know what’s on the other side of that opening but it’s by duty to protect it. Protect it from super fast pigs and hearty Pterosaurs. Maybe there’s a genetic mutation factory and a  pre-school on the other side of the wall and every creature that gets through is morphed into an even more terrible monster with a hunger for innocence incarnate?

I like to think about tower defense games in terms of survival preparation. I might not have everything I need to do the job that needs doing—Surviving—but I’ll need to sort out HOW? I can’t just spam the landscape with trip wires if an air attack is possible.

How can tower defense games help you prepare for the apocalypse?

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The girls guide to post-apocalyptic dictatorship.

Posted on by anninyn

In the past, I have made a big deal about how in the post apocalypse, I WILL be a benevolent dictator in control of a large, well run compound. Some of you seem to seem to think I might be joking about this.

Oh, no, sugarbuns. I fully intend to be a dictator. I’m already spoiled, petty and quick to anger – dictatorship should be a cinch.

I can’t tell you HOW to build your compound – it requires a combination of charm, talent, leadership abilities, organisation and a basic, borderline sociopathic disrespect for the rights, opinions and feelings of other people that I just don;t think you can learn. But, I can give you some ideas about how to maintain your iron control once you have it. After all, you don’t want to screw up so bad they murder you, do you?

Continue reading “The girls guide to post-apocalyptic dictatorship.”

10 ways to ensure your survival camp followers toss you to the zombies

Posted on by char

So you’re a survival camp dictator tyrant leader. Congrats! You’ve got a bunch of people looking to you to keep them alive (no pressure or anything). Of course, now you have to lead them in a way that not only keeps them safe, but keeps them happy.

Because, you know, unhappy campers usually means a leader doesn’t last long. Especially in the post-apocalypse, where I’d imagine life could be very dog-eat-dog, and if you’re not up to par, they’ll toss you to the zombies and put someone else in the leader’s chair.

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Here are 10 ways to ensure your survival camp followers toss you over the wall to be zombie food:

  1. Micromanage. Manage every detail. Make sure you’ve got your hand in every pie.
  2. Be a helicopter supervisor. In the event that you decide to delegate and assign “regional leaders” (or whatever you want to call them), be a helicopter supervisor. You’ve heard of helicopter parents, right? You know, the ones who hover and keep an eye on their kids from birth until they’re forty? Do the same, only with your subordinate leaders. Only give them the semblance of authority and independence for their region of the camp.
  3. Ask for suggestions and recommendations, and then tell people their ideas are stupid and you’re going to go with your idea anyway. See #1 and #2 above.
  4. Only implement your ideas, even if you have no idea your idea will actually work. See #3 above. And yes, only use  your ideas even if you’ve never tested them out or only used them in a small part of your camp. I mean, if your new perimeter search plan works in your quadrant (say, Quadrant C), it’s definitely going to work in Quadrant B, even though the Quadrant B leader has told you that he/she knows their quadrant and your plan just will not work for that part of the camp. Maybe there’s  heavier zombie activity there (or whatever). If the leader disagrees with you and tries to point out your flaws, shut them down, and they yell at them in private later. Also tell them that you “will talk to people” to get you idea/plan put in place because  you don’t need that subordinate messing with your grand plans.
  5. Tell people their ideas are crap and that you disagree with them. All the time. Even interrupt them to say this.
  6. Tell your subordinate leaders that you’re “a team” and you want to “work together with them to make the camp run smoothly and even grow” but make all decisions unilaterally. Because, as #3 and #4 indicate, only your ideas are good enough to put into practice. Even if those ideas will doom your camp.
  7. Be offended if people give you pointers about how you could increase camp efficiency/supplies/wealth/whatever. Because you know best, you must be the best leader, so everyone else is an idiot.
  8. Give in to your delusions of grandeur. Your subordinates hate you, but YOU WILL BECOME THE BIGGEST AND BEST SURVIVAL CAMP EVER. Because your delusions say so.
  9. Tell your people they can’t loot. Instead, you will find SPONSORS. Because everyone out there will agree that your camp is the best and will grow to take over the world, they will just give you stuff. Of course, you’re not going to give them anything in return, and, in fact, you tell your subordinate leaders that they have no bartering budget. I mean, they’re going to be your sponsors.
  10. Insist on monthly staff meetings, where you will tell your subordinate leaders that you’ve got LOTS of great ideas and that their ideas are all stupid, but they’re doing great jobs. But, you know, you know best. So they have to follow all your ideas and plans, even if they’re unpractical. And even though you don’t actually have direct contact with the “regular people.” I mean, did Caesar deal with the common people? Of course not. He had people to deal with the peasants.
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    So do you.

In the midst of all this, make sure you share your plans of growing and expanding the survival camp so that it stretches across the old country (whatever country that happens to be). Tell people that they have to BELIEVE IN THE MISSION. Also tell people that others will give you stuff (ie food and supplies) (for nothing in return) because THEY BELIEVE IN THE MISSION too.

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Fundraising for the new ICoS real-life survival bunker

Posted on by char

Hi everyone! It’s Char (remember me?). Apologies for my long absence (if you haven’t noticed I’ve been gone, I will throw you to the zombies, see if I don’t), but I’ve been away working on a super seekrit project for ICoS. I know none of you have even heard of this project, but that’s kinda the point of it being super and seekrit. What have I been doing? I’ve been wandering around Canada looking for the perfect place for the brand new, real-life ICoS underground bunker. (Holy hell you guys, this search took FOREVER. My family is sick of the inside of Canada. It looks much better on the wall map.)

Okay, the ICoS bunker. At first I thought maybe the bunker should be near water so we can have a constant post-apoc water supply (because we all know how important water is). So I trekked over to the east coast. I wasn’t quite happy with that (too much Stephen Harper and Marine Land, really) so I went over to Saskatoba the Prairies to see what I could find. After all, what better place to build a bunker than a place that has swaths and swaths of flat land? With farms! Which could come in handy post-apocalypse (just sayin’.)

But dude, Saskatoba. The rolling plains of wheat almost buried me alive (I’m short, you know). So I kept going west. And then I thought, “Mountains!” Natural fortification, right? Also, they’re tall and cold in the winter, so maybe the zombies will die long before they get to the bunker’s elevation.

After much hiking, camping, and running away from bears, I found the perfect ICoS mountain getaway location for the underground bunker. I could’ve kept going west, but Vancouver gets too much rain and I was sick of seeing the inside of my minivan. (Canada’s a big place, y’all. How long have I been absent from ICoS?)

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Kill 'em With Kindness

Posted on by tavia.

Sometimes my fellow, future post-apocalyptic queens and I like to daydream together about what our ideal post-apocalyptic world will be like. We plan to run the post-apocalyptic world not through strong-arming communities out of their supplies but through kindness. This world often involves copious amounts of  moisturizer, rum, and POWER.

Some people will argue that kindness doesn’t go hand in hand with drunken, supple-skinned overlords. I beg to differ.

It’s not just you, I also doubt I could beat you in a fist fight or quick draw but I’m sure I could beat you in a game of which glass is filled with rum and which glass is filled with rum and poison!

Sharing is caring and I think you look tired and thirsty and I’m ever so grateful you helped me out of this pothole. I’m inclined to show you a bit of “kindness” in return (we talked about women in the post-apocalypse).

The rum isn’t only for entrapment purposes though, we believe in rewarding hard work be it by ourselves or by others. Loyalty is earned after all.


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Resting is the biggest hurdle when working hard

Posted on by tavia.

Coming off a Thanksgiving long weekend is a bit like punishment. Most people have Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off.

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And most people spend that time eating too much and then just sitting in the haze of football (American) and good conversation. Then come the deserts.

The rest of the weekend is typically spend eating left overs and sitting some more. Then Monday morning we reset our alarms, get back on the highways and subways and post up in out cubicles like it was all just a dream.

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It hurts worse than no vacation at all sometimes. It’s similar to running every day without fail then taking a break for a few days. That new day of running is like a gut-punch from a school-yard bully. How did you not see it coming? It’s always coming!

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Thanksgiving

Posted on by tavia.

Thanksgiving is a tradition celebrated by many cultures around the world. The third Thursday in November is the one I’m most accustomed to here in America.

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We thank the pilgrims and the settlers for braving the ocean and slaughtering the Native Americans so we could eventually build the shopping malls we camp out in front of the morning after so we can get the best sale prices.

We also thank the Native Americans for being so easily to betray and murder so we could feel bad enough about it to force our children to act out plays reminding us of that time we[1. By “we” I mean white people who go back generations. My people haven’t oppressed, enslaved, or exterminated anyone.] shouldn’t have done that thing.

In the post apocalypse, I propose we hold fast to the tradition of a big, important holiday focused around being thankful for what we have.

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Imagine the laundry list of things you’d be thankful for in the post apocalypse if you had the chance to stop and be thankful. Life for instance. Food to sustain that life. Shelter to protect that life. People who are also alive to share that food, shelter, and safety with.

But an annual Thanksgiving won’t cut it in the post apocalypse. An entire YEAR on the run from zombies or poachers or robots?! That’s when you’re truly thankful I’m sure. That’s when you start to think, “Shit, this is really possible!”

Personally, I think every post apocalypse party or team needs an eternal optimist. I have a set of cousins-in-law who are like this. They celebrate everything. They look forward to everything.

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They’re the smiley-est, most pleased, positive thinkers I’ve ever met.

I sounds insufferable to some– it sounds insufferable to me– but unless you can match their optimism in pessimism it’s infectious and before you know it you’re happy too. Unlike them, you might not know what you’re happy about but you just feel better.

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This is the kind of infection you want running rampant in the apocalypse. You’ll want someone who’ll stop everyone in their tracks and say, “Hey! We just crossed  a border let’s make up a border dance and thank everyone on Team Awesome for getting us here!”

Maybe weekly or on a per-milestone basis, in the post apocalypse, we need to ensure to give thanks as freely as we run for our lives.

Fight the Bite, Part 3: The second class

Posted on by char

The first part of this post series, my interview with The Forge instructor and Fight the Bite organizer Tim, was published on Monday. Part 2, about the first class of the workshop, was published on Wednesday. This post is the last of the three-part series.

Note: this is a sponsored post. While In Case of Survival was not paid for this series of posts, I did receive a significant discount on the class because of it.

Also note: this post is long. Go grab a coffee. I’ll wait. Back? Good. Let’s begin.

In the first class, we learned basic defensive skills, how to properly punch someone in the face, how to fall properly, and how to avoid getting eaten by the boss-level pet zombies. Congrats! You’re on your way to surviving the zombie apocalypse.

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