Colds and Flus and The Apocalypse, Oh My.

I’m sick. I have a cold. It’s loud and uncomfortable and I’m full of medicine.

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How am I supposed to deal with a cold during the apocalypse?

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I can’t pile up pillows and alternate guzzling night and day medicine.

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I should try some hippy apothecary shit while I have the chance but I really just want to sleep peacefully, breath without coughing, and not be in constant minor pain.

And speaking of noise, there is no way to hide someone coughing the way I’m coughing.

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There is almost no suppression for sale that can tame this noise.

Seriously, fuck this noise.

I’m the worst thing in the office and I’m sleeping on the couch to be polite.

One thing that has worked for me a bit that will be around post-apocalypse: honey. I put it in water or drink it straight from the bottle.

Most of the articles I’ve read discount the use of Zinc or echinacea to boost the immune system or combat colds, they also seem to agree that vitamin c can be helpful but is not a remedy or preventative. Boo. I guess I need a wizard and a spell book.

WebMD offers 8 Tips to Treat Colds and Flu the ‘Natural’ Way, a list that includes gargling with salt water and keeping the right fluids in and out of your body.

Do you know any solutions? Solutions to have handy in case of apocalypse.

STUFF redux

So, I have successfully moved house. I now live in a place that with only a small amount of work can become a reasonable fortress. I can even extend said fortressing to the whole neighbourhood.

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Awesome, I’m done.

But I started thinking about stuff. As suggested by my last few posts, I have a metric fuck-ton of STUFF. This isn’t even including the practical STUFF that most humans tend to collect over their life-time.

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I just have… STUFF. Random stuff. Pointless stuff. Stuff that apparently, I cared about enough to fill my house with. I’m a collector. In a chest, I found some schoolwork from when I was seven. Seven! In another box I found stones. Actual stones, because apparently I like to pick up interesting stones and then keep them forever and ever. I understand keeping the whale bone, but did I really need sixteen seperate stones with holes in? I know they’re supposed to be useful for seeing through fairy glamours, but even I think a fairy apocalypse is unlikely. Ah well, this is all silly. Of course I’m not going to get rid of them.

This packrat tendency made moving house horrible, but it will make becoming a nomadic family post-apocalypse FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. I will have no way of transporting seven van loads of crap through the badger-infested wastes and I know from experience that my hoarding tendencies get worse under stress or when I have any kind of excuse.

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“Oh, I can’t get rid of these six bags of pen lids, we might need the plastic!”

Now, I’m a big believer in being able to turn ANY personality flaw or psychological abnormality into a plus point in a post-apocalyptic world, but even I’m struggling with this one. Sure, collecting things is a part of the human psyche and presumably exists for a good evolutionary reason, but I honestly have no idea how a drive to collect rubber ducks will help me. All I can hope is that the apocalypse is a cosy catastrophe, allowing me to stay in my own home, with my stuff. Perhaps I can throw some of the heavier things at raiders. And the soft toys might keep me warm at night.

And on a plus side, I can always use those 20-odd boxes of books to restart society along the lines of my personal tastes.

Friends, frenemies, and neighbors

Sorry for the late post, you guys. I had a busy weekend and while I’ve been online via my phone, I haven’t been able to sit down at my computer. Which meant I wasn’t able to write my post. And my post had me thinking quite a bit, which is…unusual.

So, a bit of background: this past weekend, my bestest friend EVAH came down for a visit. There was much squeeing and much acting like high schoolers, since we haven’t actually seen each other in roughly two years (since right before I moved to Texas).

On the flip side of this, the mother of my daughter’s best friend now refuses to have anything do with us, because…I don’t know. Maybe it has to do with my “day” job? (I’m a local rep for a company that sells what I like to call “adult relationship aids” when I’m being PC about it.) For the record, she knew the nature of the job when I was still considering starting my business–and she didn’t have any issues then. So I have no idea what changed.

Continue reading “Friends, frenemies, and neighbors”

The post-apocalyptic legal system

First, I apologize for not posting last week; I was on holidays and was so discombobulated when I got back (I’m not used to taking holidays, heh), I forgot all sorts of stuff. It got pretty ugly, actually. But now I’m back, with my head partially screwed on straight. (It’s only slightly askew.)

Anyway. Right before I left for holidays, I got a jury duty summons letter. Believe it or not, I actually want to serve on a jury (and have wanted to ever since I taught a high school legal studies class and got to go on a field trip to the courthouse with my students). So I was kinda a lot excited about my letter from the provincial government. Until Hubby reminded me that as a stay-at-home-mom, I now have two tiny-human, round-the-clock bosses, and where the hell would we put the kids if I got picked for a jury? So, sadly, I had to apply for an exemption. And my application was approved, which means I am now excused from jury duty. Which makes me a sad Char, indeed.

Continue reading “The post-apocalyptic legal system”

Designer Feature: Chris and Jane's Place

One if my least favorite things about being a grown up is being restrained by boring grown up decorations for the house and home. Chris and Jane of Chris and Jane’s Place are working to change that with their line of Zombie Gnomes.

The Zombie Gnomes come painted or blank for a fun craft project. How fun would that be!? Sitting at home during with candles on, chatting about survival plans, maybe playing Munchkin Zombies, and personalizing an undead lawn ornament. Perfect.

I had the chance to ask Chris and Jane some questions about them and their business which includes not only Zombie Gnomes but also fancy, hand decorated top hats; Survival Gnomes,  and more.

Learn More about Chris and Jane and their Zombie Gnomes:

1. Who are you, I mean, really?

Our names are Chris Stever and Jane Marie DeRosa and we are recently engaged. Jane grew up in an very artistic family. Both of her parents are Disney animators and so she was always surrounded by all medias of art. Jane then went to collage and studied Theatre. Where she developed more of her painting shills and her story telling abilities. Chris has always been an artistic and creative individual as a child he had several note books filled with designs and schematics for new inventions. He started sculpting when he was in High School and then started taking classes in practical effects for films and theater

2. What is it that you do?

We make Zombie Gnomes along with prosthetics and other special practical effects. Recently Jane loves playing Skyrim every night after work. Chris enjoys playing basketball and going on to espn.com to chat on NBA trade forums. One thing we love doing together is watching Game of Thrones we are halfway through season two. We also like finding new recipes and cooking together, but we haven’t had a lot of time to do that lately because Zombie Gnomes have taken over our lives.

3. When did you first realize you wanted to do that thing?

One day Chris was contemplating the inevitable zombie out break and his plan to survive it when he wondered what would happen if the fantasy world was affected by the zombie virus. Zombie garden gnomes was ultimately the conclusion to those thoughts, and after telling Jane we decided to make one for laughs. At first we just made Zombie Gnomes as a joke for our friends but when we put them up on etsy and we started selling them we realized we really had something.

4. Where are you from (and how do you feel about that place?)?

We are from sunny southern California and we love it here :). We wouldn’t have it any other way.

5. Why would you make a good apocalypse party member?

We would be good members of an apocalypse because we know how to grow our own food and we both know, between the two of us, 5 different styles of martial arts.

6. How can we find out more?

You can learn more about our products on our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/ZombieGnomes
Buy our products on our etsy page: www.etsy.com/shop/ChrisandJanesPlace
Follow us on Twitter: @ZombieGnomes

 

A huge thanks to Chris and Jane for taking the time to answer our questions and create these wonderful additions to zombie culture!

 

In the post apocalypse, I will be sleep deprived

I recently realized that in the post-apocalyptic world, I will be horribly sleep deprived. That is, assuming I actually survive and aren’t eaten by a horde of hungry zoo escapees because I’m too fuzzy brained to realize that the panda coming toward me has run out of bamboo shoots and hey, I’m Asian so I’m basically the same thing (only with more meat. And fat).

When did I come to this realization?

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I’d say it was probably the last time I was trying to do stuff with my kids, but zoned out because I was rather close to falling asleep. Or possibly the last time I slept in and was late for a session with my personal trainer (I haven’t the foggiest idea why I didn’t set up my appointment time later in the morning–clearly more evidence of my muddled, sleep deprived brain).

It’s probably not as big a deal now, when, in the grand scheme of things, life is fairly leisurely and easygoing. I mean, in comparison to what life will be like after the world bites the dust and we’re running around trying to fend off hungry pandas who may or may not know kung fu.

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That’s not to say it’s healthy though, because it’s not. After all, I’m less productive, end up sleeping through my alarm, and am just generally cranky.

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But I’m not running around trying to beat off…uh, things and having to stay on my toes and develop spidey senses just to stay alive.

But let’s face it: sleep deprivation means sluggishness and slow reaction time. When quick thinking and ingenuity might just save your life, having your brain go at the speed of molasses will probably get you killed.

Which means, of course, that I will most likely get eaten by an escaped zoo panda who has substituted me for bamboo.

That actually sounds like a terrible way to go. I should start getting some sleep then, shouldn’t I?

But…how will I stay organized?

If you’ve noticed, I’ve been having a much harder time keeping on top of my Monday posts lately. This, I assure you, is not intentional. But let’s just say that ever since we moved back to Canada and I lost my full-time childcare, the days have started running together and most of the time I can’t figure out which way is up. I have a hard enough time remembering what I ate for breakfast, let alone what I need to do on what day. (Seriously, if my head weren’t attached to my body, I’d have lost it a long time ago.)

I’m a little frazzled.

A thought occurred to me the other day, when I realized that it was actually Monday and not Sunday and my post was late: how will the scatterbrained people like me remember to do all the stuff they’re supposed to do after the world goes kaput?

Continue reading “But…how will I stay organized?”

Zombie Training – Guest post by Jamie Gibbs

Regular readers will know Jamie, as he’s one of our most prolific commenters. Based on that, I assumed he had enough time to send us a guest post on Training for the Zombie Apocalypse… and he did!

The zombie survival workout – 4 workouts you need to not get eaten

The Buddhists say that your body is a temple. The Buddhists are liars. Your body is no more holy than my browser history is free of questionable Google searches. Don’t listen to them. Your body isn’t a temple.

Your body is a weapon.

And when the proverbial world fan is spinning the proverbial shit everywhere, you’re going to need your weapon in tip top shape. Don’t bring a butter knife to a gang war and don’t bring an overweight, wheezing sack of meat to a zombie apocalypse. Here’s how you fine tune that body of yours, from head to toe, against the oncoming hordes.

Rule #1 – Cardio

Yes, Zombieland rules apply here. Fatties do indeed die first. Before you even think about slaying zombies en masse, you’re going to need to be able to outrun them. Not only that, but you’re going to be doing a lot of walking across the desolate, post-apocalyptic landscape, so you need to be damn sure that your stamina is as high as possible.

So what do you train for; distance or speed? Surely it’s better to outpace zombies for the first few hundred metres and then slow down once they give up chasing you. That’s a good point, except for one thing. Zombies don’t give up. They don’t get tired. You will, sooner or later. And that’s when they’ll make you an entree. Always opt for long distance walking and running when you train.

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If you can, spice it up with hill climbs and interval treadmills work. You’re likely to hit the countryside at some point, and those inclines are tough.

Your general survival completely depends on your ability to outpace the undead all the friggin’ time. Throw in a sprint every now and again during your workout so you can be sure you can rely on that extra burst of speed if a shuffler gets too close for comfort.
It’s all in the shoulders
I’ve seen enough zombie movies to know that if you want to properly down a zombie, you need to use blunt force trauma. Unless you’re a master at decapitating bodies in a single stroke, avoid sharp weapons and opt for your sledgehammers, crowbars and cricket bats. Most zombies are the slow, shuffling type, indicating that the only part of their brain that is active is the basal ganglia, the ‘reptilian brain’.

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That little sucker is buried deep inside the brain tissue so you’re going to need a lot of force in order to cave in the skull and keep a zombie down for good.

Strength training for using these big, blunt weapons needs a lot of work on your back and shoulders. If you think that biceps are the way to go, think again. What are you, applying for Mr. Universe? The force of your swing and the strength you put into it comes from the shoulders, so make that a priority when strength training. Pushups and overhead presses will give you the strength you need to swing a bat with enough force.

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Tighten the core
If you’re anything like me, the weekend pizza and beer sessions have left you with a slight paunch, making you more than a little front heavy. If you need to make a quick getaway or are knee deep in flesh-hungry undead, this will give you some disadvantages, the biggest of which is you dying a hell of a lot quicker.

Get shot of that beer gut as soon as possible and tighten up your core – your abdomen and back muscles near your spine. Every athlete knows this is one of the most important sets of muscles to train, as once you sort that out the rest of the body starts to fall into place. Sit ups and squats are your best friend in building up your core muscles and losing that belly.
State of mind
Even though blunt objects should be your weapon of choice, the one thing that you need to keep sharp is your mind. Complacency leads to stagnation, which leads to you getting eaten. The last thing you want is for stress to get the better of you and for you to freeze up mid swing, leaving you open for attack. Throughout your workout, add in some stretches, yoga and meditation to keep your mind focused and clear.

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Your brain is the biggest advantage you have against zombies (hence why they find it so damn delicious) so use it.

Jamie Gibbs is the overweight, wheezing sack of meat that is doing his best to get into shape before the zombie apocalypse finally hits. You can find him on his fantasy blog Mithril Wisdom by day, and brooding over the city rooftops at night (that last bit might not be entirely true).

Your Post-Apocalyptic Tribe: Dress for Success

Does anyone remember that show The Tribe about all the kids left over after a disease kills all the adults? They kids banded together in tribes based on their needs, interests, and location (e.g.: The Mall Rats). You could tell a lot about a person in that world based on how they looked and what they wore.

In the post-apocalypse you might want people to know who you’re allied with or where you’re from. It could mean the difference between being shot on sight or welcomed with open arms.

Now, I wouldn’t recommend tattooing your affiliation post-apocalypse. While it’s the permanent method that many gang members and sub-cultures seem to be fond of nowadays, it’s also potentially fatal if not done by a fully sanitized and licensed professional. You want to go through all the trouble of finding a group to belong to and then dying of tetanus right after your initiation?

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Not a good look.

Colors, also a gang favorite, are another great way to show your affiliation. But colors are going to be hard to find and be selective about come the end times. Also, if you’re team chooses red and their team chooses blue, the robots will still find all of you way more easily than if you all wore army green and hid in the forest.

Where you choose to hide, or set up for the long haul, will heavily impact not only who you’re associated with but also how you’ll need to dress to survive that environment. We here at In Case of Survival are all about practical[1. Psyche, we’re the least practical bitches on the earth.] survival.

If you’re residing in the sewers, you should have some goggles and a wrench and some sturdy boots for wading through muck and tightening drippy pipes. If you’re in the forests, you’ll need flexible shoes for climbing and stealthy movement, also a lot of form-fitting clothes so they don’t get caught on things.

More to the point of post-apocalyptic tribes, you’ll need to consider how to merge both recognizably and practicality.  If everyone looks like a hobo then no one likes someone you’d trust. Would you invite a hobo into your house, campsite, or country club?

Well maybe you’re a better person than I am, but I sure as shit wouldn’t.

Dos and Don’ts When Dressing Your Post-apocalyptic Tribe:

DO dress for your environment– both weather and terrain.

DO make room for weapons relevant to your environment and any enemies you might encounter.

DON’T go for garish colors or accessories– this is how the robots will spot you. Everyone in bright colors will die first.

DON’T let the tribe members get too flexible with the dress code.

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DO have something that’s difficult to replicate in a pinch like being black, or bald or tall or …

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Well those aren’t really feasible. Hair dye! Nail Polish! Piercings (though, like tattoos, there is a health risk involved).

Any other suggestions for dressing your post-apocalyptic tribe for success?

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Feature: GeekChic cosmetics

One one of my forays into the internet, I was pleased to discover GeekChic cosmetics. I immediately clicked on that link. I love makeup, I love being a geek. Fortunately, the name lived up to the expectations.

GeekChic produce a makeup range that not only is cruelty-free and allergy friendly (important things), but also has one of the best range of nerd-culture inspired colours I have ever seen.

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The eyeshadows range in colour from delicate, light, pretty shades all the way through to deep crimsons and true blues. Every single eyeshadow is named after a geeky thing, and the collections are named after TV shows and Games. For example, go take a look at the Geeks vs Zombies pallette, and tell me if it isn’t just the most perfect thing you’ve seen. Not only that, but GeekChic’s foundations have a good range of colours as well – it’s one of the few makeup brands where all three of the ICoS girls would be able to buy a foundation that blended.

Not only that, but as everything at GeekChic is based on mineral formulations, it’s good for your skin too – and it keeps, unlike liquid foundations, meaning that if you stock up you can be made up well into your post-apocalypse lifestyle.

We asked the GeekChic girls a few invasive questions, and we give you their answers for your files.

1. Who are you, I mean, really?

What an exestential question. I’d like to think that I am awesome, but awesomeness is subjective.

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As far who Geek Chic Cosmetics is, we are an organization 4 like minded people who have a passion for gaming and all things glitter. We are die hard workaholics, and spend way more time with each other than we probably should LOL. It doesn’t hurt that we all have a common goal. that is, to make really awesome products and make them the best we can. Oh, and we are all really close friends!

2. What is it that you do?

I personally wear many hats. I do all the packing and shipping, financials, taxes, graphic design, formulation, and management type stuff. On occasion I will answer emails too. Phil is our resident webmonkey and perfumer. Deb does all the nitty gritty production, filling, labeling, and a bulk of the product formulation. She also answers emails on occasion too. Gwynn is our resident Igor, she does all the PR stuff, and helps in pretty much every other aspect of the company. Basically whatever needs to be done that day, she has her hands in it. We all wear many fine hats!

3. When did you first realize you wanted to do that thing?

GCC was my brainchild a few years ago, and I knew that there was no way I could do it all on my own and Deb was the obvious choice as she is my best friend. As for the individual jobs we all do, we looked at our own personal strengths and assigned the jobs that were best suited to each person.

4. Where are you from (and how do you feel about that place?)?

I was born in Ogden, UT. I have really mixed feelings about being from Utah. I love that I have a family homestead that I can go visit to get back in touch with my roots from time to time, but I don’t care for the vibe in the state overall.

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It doesn’t really mesh with me as a person so well. But it will always be home cause that is where my family is.

5. Why would you make a good apocalypse party member?

I’m not convinced I would be a very good apocalypse member. I am pretty sure I wouldn’t last very long at all. I have a bum left leg and can’t really run so I think at the very least I would probably be the first to die. But I am very logical and can think of creative ways to do things so there’s that at least. I’d be useful for as long as I survived LOL.Prices start at $5.99 for an eyeshadow, though it’s usually cheaper to buy sets.