I Survived A Zombie Apocalypse

Zombie Walk in Edmonton
Zombie Walk in Edmonton (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

BBC Three are looking for applicants for a new reality show called I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse.
Zombie fanatics and fitness enthusiasts should apply to  zombies@tigeraspect.co.uk for an application form. Applicants must be able to attend auditions in the UK.
Now, personally, I think zombies are a little old now – overplayed. They’re the least likely apocalypse, and everyone has added them to everything in a cynical attempt to hit the zeitgeist. But, I may be alone in this opinion, as they still seem to be popular.
With that in mind, I can see I Survived A Zombie Apocalypse being much enjoyed by a lot of people (yes, of COURSE I’ll watch it and report on it for you lovely folk) and the people who take part may even gain a small amount of reality TV fame – names in the papers, speculation about their love life, that sort of thing.
BBC Three are yet to release details about what challenges you’ll have to face in I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse, but it’s bound to be the typical combination of physical challenges along with social challenges – living with a group of people you’ll find it easy to hate. So, good practice for the post-apocalypse, then.
 

Semi-practical, Post-Apocalyptic Dress Up

As a faithful apocalypse fan-girl I always look for ways to incorporate my passion into my everyday life without triggering institutionalization. Is it possible to subtly cosplay, prep, or otherwise support my passion for the end of the world? YES! With semi-practical, post-apocalyptic dress-up!
I’ll show you a few examples of how you might pay homage without looking like you’re planning “an event.”

Bare Necessities

A simple, day outfit that covers the edgy side of apocalyptic dress-up. Feel pretty in a practical thermal dress and leggings wile you carry your junk in a handy utility belt instead of a snatchable purse.

In Case of Survival - Bare Necessities

Clementine from The Walking Dead game

Dressing up as the inspirational little girl from Telltale’s interactive apocalypse is pretty easy since she wears pretty comfortable everyday clothes. It’ll be kind of like a secret cosplay.

In Case of Survival - Clementine from The Walking Dead Game

 Maya the Siren from Borderlands 2

Everyone’s favorite badlands boss bitch can be your inspiration without too much fuss. You might want to add a bit more blue (aside from the shoelaces) with some accessories like a scarf, headband, or jewelry (especially on your left hand  where Maya summons her power orb).

In Case of Survival - Maya (Borderlands 2)

 Alice (Resident Evil Extinction)

Alice always manages to sty fashionable throughout the end of the world. Actually, she seems to get increasingly more fashionable as the apocalypse worsens… It’s hard to pick just one of her outfits to be inspired by. Though once you eliminate the outfits that are outright unpossible due to them being half CGI and half PVC, there’s some great material work with.

In Case of Survival - Alice (Resident Evil Extinction)
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Just Cover You Calves and Ankles

Way too often I see games, movies, tv shows and whatever else where people are trudging through the zombie apocalypse and, surprise, they get bit on the calf or ankle. Duh! Cover your calves and ankles and this problem disappears.
See, when people die they fall down. On the ground. Around that area where your feet are… That area you’re not usually looking in when you’re walking forward. I see some of the best shooters and fighters kicking through knee-high weeds and then ARRGGGH somethings got their leg like a shark attack.
Seriously though, I can’t feel bad for you if you see a bun of zombies crawling and laying around and you don’t think to protect your most vulnerable parts. You don’t even need combat boots or women’s boots (though women have no excuse for not covering their calves and ankles with boots). Rain boots, though your feet will stink in like six minutes, are perfect. Can you bite through rubber? I can’t.
And you know what the first suggestion will be? Cut the leg off! This may or may not work. Sometime it does, sometime it doesn’t (even in the same fictional universe in some cases). But even if it does, you’ll be hobbled and they’ll be whispering about not wanting to take care of you or how you’ll slow everyone down. This is all the best case scenario where you actually survive the bite and amputation. Because there’s the slow descent into infection and death from either the bite or the amateur doctoring.
Your calves and ankles don’t need to be covered with some indestructible, adamantium-type shit. What’s important is, can’t it be easily torn or bitten through? If no, you’re good. Also important, can you comfortably flee from not only shambling corpses but also fully ambulatory, aggressive humans.

TLDR: Cover Your Calves and Ankles

1. Dead people fall down; living people look up. You can’t change this, just deal with it.
2. Getting bit on the leg is a dumb way to die. Even if they try to save you, you’re dead-ish. They’ll laugh when they tell your story as a cautionary tale to children.
3. Most any boot will do because most people can’t bite through boots. (Also, animals are less likely to hurt you if they have an extra layer or leather or  soccer shin guards to get through.)
4. Don’t cover your calves and ankles to the detriment of your mobility. There’s no point in just being safe from the crawlers if you can’t dodge the walkers or out run the humans.

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Beautiful Borderlands 2 Makeup Tutorial by MadeULook

Borderlands 2  was one of my favorite games. It still is. Every aspect of it was awesome, from local co-op to single-player to the story to the dialogue to the art. So much squee. I’ve always said that art can make or break a good story in comics, film, or video games.
Borderlands 2 was beautiful. I loved the mix of flat and dimensional art with heavy, comic-style contours and shading. It was truly a unique look in a unique world with brilliant characters.
Often inspired by characters, makeup and cosplay, I find YouTube to be treasure trove of amazing work from others with similar interests and more talent and determination. One of these artists is MadeULook. She’s a young, sassy artist with an eye for detail and a creative depth unlike any other.
Well, MadeUlook is not only talented and engaging, she’s also a geek like me. Love!  Being a loving gamer almost all her life she can’t help but be inspired by some of the fantastic artwork and characters encountered in video games. Recently, she created a body paint Psycho from Borderlands 2.
I love MadeULook‘s make up and tutorials. In her videos, it clear that she is not only incredibly talented but also charismatic. Many tutorial videos are too much about the artist and not enough about the artwork. If I wanted a vlog, I’d watch a vlog.
She makes it sound so easy and look so good, I can’t even explain. Just watch and feel the Awe.

Borderlands2boxart3

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Post-apocalypse new parenthood, revisited

A really, really long time ago, I wrote about having a baby and being a new parent in the post-apocalypse (and by extension, the apocalypse). In those posts, I had all sorts of fun tips about how to survive with a baby and all that during the fun post-apocalyptic period before things settle down into quaint dystopia.
I had a baby not too long ago, so everything is once again fresh in my mind. Therefore, I’m here to add one more tip about having a baby in the post-apocalypse:
Don’t do it.
Why? you might ask. After all, won’t we need to repopulate the planet after a good majority of the population are decimated by Asgardians/zombies/evil space monkeys?
Well, yeah, obviously we’ll have to rebuild. But seriously, don’t do it when the post-apocalypse is so fresh you can still see the fires burning over New York City. Wait until after things have settled and humans have all been enslaved/made to fight each other to the death on TV/turned into zombies.
Because otherwise, you will probably die. Your baby, too. And you wouldn’t want to be responsible for the death of a helpless tiny human who looks really cute, now do you? I thought not.
Continue reading “Post-apocalypse new parenthood, revisited”

I don't want to be last… (Zombies, Run! 5k Training)

I started doing Zombie’s, Run! again.  Why? Because I’m shockingly out of shape.
I imagine myself running from a shambling heard across a vacant parking lot or field. The distance increases and I start to feel triumphant. Eventually, and by that I mean like 30 seconds, I start to tire and slow. They don’t.
I realized that even the Romero-esque slow-but-steady zombies would eventually over take me. If there’s nowhere to hide and it’s just a matter of  endurance, I’m fucked.
Last week I started my diet and exercise routine. My plan is to run every other day and alternate excuses motivating forces.
Six to Start, the creators of Zombies, Run! also make a 5k (a little over 3 miles) training app. This app has is great for people who like to set goals and alternate their running routine because running is boring.
Zombies, Run! 5k Training is a fantastic addition to the Zombies, Run! program because the characters and the universe overlap without anything but the first chapter of the story repeating. I was super concerned I’d be doing the same story with different prompts. It was surprisingly hard to find out that they’re different.
In the Zombies, Run! 5k Training program you’re still Runner 5 but you’re not running on a mission, you’re training to get faster because Able Township not only needs you, it needs you at your best.
I like to run inside on my treadmill because I’m an indoor kid and no one can see me. Unfortunately, when the trainer wants me to run for 15 seconds, I have a bit of a clumsy transition as it takes my treadmill about 30 seconds to get up to speed… I manage.
While I really enjoy both Zombies, Run! and Zombies, Run! 5k Training, I found there’s one major difference between the app I have on my iPod and the app I have on my Galaxy S3: The accelerometer doesn’t seem to know I’m moving… I don’t know if that’s an issue with my S3 or an issue with the app. I’ll keep trying. [1. Fortunately, I’m on a treadmill so I can track my stats manually.]
Both programs link to Six to Start’s ZombieLink web situation where you can share stats (if your app decides to track them) and running routes and progress.
I realize $7.99 is a lot of money for app, but Zombie’s Run! is not just an app. It’s an audiobook, a choose your own adventure, a personal trainer, a progress monitor, and a game. If you want to get fit and be the star of a zombie apocalypse mystery movie, get the app. And if you want a bit of extra motivation and a change of pace, get the Zombies, Run! 5k Training app too.

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Quick Survival Tip: Stay Active

Staying active is the only way to practice the need to fight or flee at any moment. Down time sounds fantastic on paper but too much can be the death of you and your ability to survive any situation.

  • Could you easily climb to the 20th floor of a building in a hurry?
  • Could you walk 20 miles in a day? Run five miles with a pack on your back?
  • Could you wake up in the middle of the night and sprint through the woods or ruins of s city?

Personally, I can barely make it up 12 steps in my own home without a whinge and a rest. Not a good sign.
Sitting one the couch reading books will not prepare you for the post-apocalyptic survival. Knowing piles of things with out doing them will not prepare you.
It’s hard to stay active when it’s a choice but making it a challenge might make it easier.

Some challenges to help you stay active:

1. Zombies, Run! – This is an interactive story where you’re the main character, Runner 5. You’re coached and guided by the communications expert at a survival camp to run all over the English countryside. You’re the hero and more items you collect the more you can build up your camp.
Missions can be a half hour or an hour, between checkpoints you listen to a playlist you load into the app, your progress is tracked as a runner and the more you run, the swankier you base will get.
2. About.com’s 30-day Fitness Challenge – This one’s for people who need constant prodding. You’re signing up for a 30-day newsletter, each day brings a new challenge– all you have to do is read your email.
3. 100 push-up & 200 sit-ups – This is a great challenge for those who want to prove their dedication to themselves. Over a six-week period you build up the strength until you can do 100 push-ups or 200 sit-up non-stop.
If you do the initial test, you might be shocked to find how flimsy you actually are.

Staying active is a choice.

Choose not only to get that heart healthy 30 minutes of activity a day but also build yourself up and make staying active a part of who you are so when everything else is torn away you can be confident that you’ll still be standing strong, running fast, and generally not dying a heinous death at the hands of robot-alien-zombies.
 

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Interview: The Vegan Zombie

I was excited to find out about The Vegan Zombie, a post-apocalyptic themed cooking show. Not jsut a cooking show, either – there’s a story to this baby.
While I’m not a vegetarian of vegan myself, I was for a while and I understand just how hard it is to find delicious, practical meals to make – and how much harder would that be post-zombie. It’s not just for vegetarians or vegans – all our followers who enjoy eating might find this useful. After all, ready-killed, skinned, cut and pre-packaged meat is going to be a bit thin on the ground.
For your delectation, an interview with Chris from The Vegan Zombie.

vegan zombies 2First off, tell us a little bit about The Vegan Zombie.

Well, I’m Chris, the creator and producer of The Vegan Zombie. Jon is the charismatic host of the show and Indy is the German Shepherd sidekick. Basically we do a vegan cooking show that is set in the zombie apocalypse. We prepare delicious zombie-free recipes that simple and easy to make.

What gave you the idea?

I got the idea one day while driving the back roads of upstate NY for work. I began thinking of a way I could mash up my love of the horror genre with my longtime vegan lifestyle in a cool way. That gave me the idea of The Vegan Zombie. I went home and began writing a movie script. I have always loved making videos and movies with my friends and family, especially horror. The script is a full-on zombie apocalypse story in which the infection originated through the meat and dairy that people were consuming. There is a twist at the end which will explain why we chose the name TVZ. To make a long story short, I put making the movie on the back burner and decided to start a youtube cooking series with the same concept. Jon is the lone survivor and is a little crazy. He’s always talking about zombies and making food. In some of our episodes he is fighting zombies and gets into some pretty tight situations.

How easy are the recipes to make? Could I make them while huddled around a fire in desperate fear for my life?

Yes, for the most part our recipes are really easy to make. There are some that are more labor intensive but we have something for everyone. We aim to make mostly vegan comfort foods to replicate that kind of foods that non vegans say they can’t live without. For example, we have a vegan version of cheesesteak called the No Killy Philly and we have pizza rolls and cheese sticks all vegan. We also have healthier raw foods for the health conscious folks. Yes, I said folks. Anyway, our show is for everyone. We have an non judgmental atmosphere and a lot of people make our dishes once or twice a week who aren’t even vegan.

Now for the questions we ask everyone:

What is the most likely apocalyptic scenario?

I’d say the most likely apocalypse would be of a viral origin. Kind of like 28 days later or WWZ. Something scientific that affected our brains and caused primal instinct to take over with no rational thought would be the most plausible out of the apocalyptic scenarios.

Any survival tips for our readers?

Stay away from populous areas. Aim for the head. Keep calm, you’re smarter than a zombie. Think about this, everyone associates zombies with brains. But unless someone’s head is cracked open they are most likely not gonna eat your brain. It’s too hard to get to. Your flesh and guts are what they will eat. Wear clothes that are not easy to bite through.

Are you OK with living under the benevolent dictatorship of myself or the other two ICoS ladies?

Well that all depends, I think we’d have to meet you all first before we answered that one. 🙂

Trust me, we’re great. Now tell us anything you want about anything you want.

We are currently doing a kickstarter for our cookbook, Cook & Survive, which will be out later this fall. It is full of our all vegan recipes and it will have a graphic novel that illustrates the adventures of TVZ. You can check that out here http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/theveganzombie/the-vegan-zombie-cookbook

You can follow us on youtube, FB, twitter, IG and other social media sites.
PHEED: TheVeganZombie

 

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But what will I drink in the post-apocalypse?

Apologies again for falling off the planet these past couple weeks. Things have been happening that have affected my ability to write (well, more like my ability to stay awake long enough to write). I’ll probably tell y’all about it someday. Maybe.
Anyway. Back to the apocalypse. I’m convinced we’re going to put ourselves in some sort of apocalyptic situation sooner rather than later (I’m rather fond of the we’ll-blow-ourselves-up theory), so I’m starting to focus on all the little trivial things more than I used to.
For example! What will we drink during the apocalypse and the post-apocalypse? Worst case scenarios usually revolve around a lack of water. But, you know, human beings need liquids and all that to survive. So without water, what will we drink?
What about beer? We talk a lot about rum and moisturizer, so it’s not too farfetched to think that some of us would drink beer. (Um, right?)
Specifically, this beer:

zombie apocalypse beer
Beer my husband drank at his dad’s house. No, for real. This beer exists. Right now.

Of course, this beer would be AWESOME during an actual zombie apocalypse, but it’ll probably still be okay during the robot apocalypse or the evil space pirate monkey apocalypse. Or a Borg invasion.
Well, okay, maybe not the Borg. But you know what I mean.
On another note, does anyone know if there’s a zombie apocalypse rum available? Because that would be full of awesome.

10 ways to ensure your survival camp followers toss you to the zombies

So you’re a survival camp dictator tyrant leader. Congrats! You’ve got a bunch of people looking to you to keep them alive (no pressure or anything). Of course, now you have to lead them in a way that not only keeps them safe, but keeps them happy.
Because, you know, unhappy campers usually means a leader doesn’t last long. Especially in the post-apocalypse, where I’d imagine life could be very dog-eat-dog, and if you’re not up to par, they’ll toss you to the zombies and put someone else in the leader’s chair.
Here are 10 ways to ensure your survival camp followers toss you over the wall to be zombie food:

  1. Micromanage. Manage every detail. Make sure you’ve got your hand in every pie.
  2. Be a helicopter supervisor. In the event that you decide to delegate and assign “regional leaders” (or whatever you want to call them), be a helicopter supervisor. You’ve heard of helicopter parents, right? You know, the ones who hover and keep an eye on their kids from birth until they’re forty? Do the same, only with your subordinate leaders. Only give them the semblance of authority and independence for their region of the camp.
  3. Ask for suggestions and recommendations, and then tell people their ideas are stupid and you’re going to go with your idea anyway. See #1 and #2 above.
  4. Only implement your ideas, even if you have no idea your idea will actually work. See #3 above. And yes, only use  your ideas even if you’ve never tested them out or only used them in a small part of your camp. I mean, if your new perimeter search plan works in your quadrant (say, Quadrant C), it’s definitely going to work in Quadrant B, even though the Quadrant B leader has told you that he/she knows their quadrant and your plan just will not work for that part of the camp. Maybe there’s  heavier zombie activity there (or whatever). If the leader disagrees with you and tries to point out your flaws, shut them down, and they yell at them in private later. Also tell them that you “will talk to people” to get you idea/plan put in place because  you don’t need that subordinate messing with your grand plans.
  5. Tell people their ideas are crap and that you disagree with them. All the time. Even interrupt them to say this.
  6. Tell your subordinate leaders that you’re “a team” and you want to “work together with them to make the camp run smoothly and even grow” but make all decisions unilaterally. Because, as #3 and #4 indicate, only your ideas are good enough to put into practice. Even if those ideas will doom your camp.
  7. Be offended if people give you pointers about how you could increase camp efficiency/supplies/wealth/whatever. Because you know best, you must be the best leader, so everyone else is an idiot.
  8. Give in to your delusions of grandeur. Your subordinates hate you, but YOU WILL BECOME THE BIGGEST AND BEST SURVIVAL CAMP EVER. Because your delusions say so.
  9. Tell your people they can’t loot. Instead, you will find SPONSORS. Because everyone out there will agree that your camp is the best and will grow to take over the world, they will just give you stuff. Of course, you’re not going to give them anything in return, and, in fact, you tell your subordinate leaders that they have no bartering budget. I mean, they’re going to be your sponsors.
  10. Insist on monthly staff meetings, where you will tell your subordinate leaders that you’ve got LOTS of great ideas and that their ideas are all stupid, but they’re doing great jobs. But, you know, you know best. So they have to follow all your ideas and plans, even if they’re unpractical. And even though you don’t actually have direct contact with the “regular people.” I mean, did Caesar deal with the common people? Of course not. He had people to deal with the peasants. So do you.

In the midst of all this, make sure you share your plans of growing and expanding the survival camp so that it stretches across the old country (whatever country that happens to be). Tell people that they have to BELIEVE IN THE MISSION. Also tell people that others will give you stuff (ie food and supplies) (for nothing in return) because THEY BELIEVE IN THE MISSION too.