But, where will I get my hair done?

I’m kind of obsessed with my hair. And, by kind of, I mean I have to start listing it as a hobby to justify the amount of time I spend paying attention to it. It’s not even tricked out. Just hair on top of a head. an inordinate amount of hair that took years to grow and takes hours to condition and comb or style, but really, just hair.

In a post-apocalyptic world, I’m going to be throughly screwed on the hair front.

In this civilized world of luxury goods and running water, I have an adorable natural curly afro (when maintained properly), with pencil curls and a side part and bounce (on a good day). But left to its own devices without products and a wide-toothed comb? A giant angry knot of chaos and tears.

Good hair days:

Bad hair day:

my hair left to its own devices

I spend nearly an hour (average of 45 minutes) combing my hair out WITH detangler in it. When the water is being rationed and Paul Mitchell is a memory, I’m going to have to make a serious decision.

No way in hell am I going to talk around looking like a feral child scratching and itching, wondering what’s inside the nest on my head. No way, no how.

If I’m able to understand what’s happening soon enough, I think I’ll be able to take some time and style it out. I’d start with twists. I know, eventually, the twists would turn to dreads. I’d like to fool myself into thinking I didn’t go straight to dreads. I spent too much time on my hair to just knot it up and be done. it’d be like leaving a pet behind. you could if you had to but, you’d have to live with it…

Scary plan B? Cut it all off like I’m in college again. But i was thinner then, with cheek and jaw bones. I’ll look like a Russian nesting doll with no hair (that is, like I have no neck and it will emphasize my rounded muscle-less shoulders).

I’m starting to evaluate styles that might indicate to others that I have wearwithall, that I’m not scared, and that, most of all, I’m unfuckwithable.

Tia Dalma pulled it off but that was a strategic commitment to the scary voodoo priestess look.

Tia Dalma - Pirates of the Caribbean
Tia Dalma – Pirates of the Caribbean

Something like this, for instance, says, “feminine, fun and fierce.” It’ll go perfectly with my laser gun!


My parents let me watch and read way too much science fiction and fantasy when I was a child. Now that I'm grown, I'm bored and I can't wait for SkyNet to awaken or the super-virus to cull the human population. I'll be safe because I've learned to reason with robots from Data and the Terminator franchise... and I eat gummy vitamins by the fist-full.

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