What Are Women Worth at The End of The World?

Many of the depictions of apocalyptic life we see are over the top and hyper-fictionalized.  In the few more realistic versions, there is a disquieting, reoccurring theme: women are weak and they can be broken, owned, and kept.

We see forced prostitution, the normalization of rape and capture for fun and profit, and maybe worse yet, women who stand up and act like people–especially strong people– are considered anomalous. If a woman speaks up, hunts, protects the group, or displays any skill outside of making babies, tears or meals she’s wowing the audience or they’re rolling their eyes.

The fact that a strong woman or girl invested in her survival is a novelty should be a red flag. If the apocalypse happened tomorrow, would the women you value today be seen as valuable people or just usable commodities?

Part of survival training needs to be not only developing the ability to stay alive but also the fortitude to fight for that life and your right to live it well and freely. I’ve mentioned before that part of a successful apocalyptic life, especially for women, will likely involve killing some jackholes who think they’re maleness affords them privileges to you femaleness. Continue reading “What Are Women Worth at The End of The World?”

Evaluating the Supplies in a Disaster ‘Go Bag’

I spend a ludicrous amount of time thinking about the apocalypse. Never about dying in it though; I’m not some kind of sad sack. I think long and hard about life after the apocalypse and the kinds of supplies I might need not only to survive but also to thrive happily.

What will I eat? What should I wear? Do I currently own appropriate footwear? Could it be that hard to fire a gun; bludgeon a grown man; or not get bodily fluids in my eyes, nose, or mouth?

It’s hard to say.

I mean I don’t go running every day on the off chance there might be a race between a zombie, some other survivor, and me. I’ve got Blackness and determination on my side. I may be chubby, but I strongly believe that as long as something is chasing me, I can run fast. It might be the ugliest running anyone has ever witnessed, but it’ll get me there. And when I get there, I’m locking the door behind me whether or not you’re still with me.

Continue reading “Evaluating the Supplies in a Disaster ‘Go Bag’”

Post-Apocalyptic People To Kill

Come the chaos of the apocalypse, people are going to die. Maybe en masse. Maybe slowly, but surely. Maybe by accidents. But definitely by murder. And that’s okay.

Every so often we’ll need to kill some fool who just refuses to act right or find their way to our good side. Congrats, Fool. You’re going to be an example; your life officially has meaning.

Examples of totally justifiable post-apocalyptic times to kill some folks:

Cheerleaders By prc1333
Photo Credit: prc1333

A.      The other day I saw school bus in the city and a squad of cheerleaders loading themselves onto it. That was weird. No sports team requiring encouragement, just a bus full of high school cheerleaders.

I, and a number of others, looked on quizzically. “hmm, that’s unusual,” we thought collectively.

But then there were a few others who were looking on not quizzically but lustfully.

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Grown ass men stared with their mouths agape to allow unencumbered panting as their eyes bugged, unblinking and their brows quirked expectantly.

Expectantly? What the fuck were they expecting?

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A strong wind? A well-timed tumble? A panty apocalypse paired with a strong wind and a well-timed tumble?

a.      In an apocalypse situation, that brightly colored band of super-coordinated bitches look like a heard of wounded baby gazelle to the men of the city playing the part of oversized, hungry Serengeti cats.

b.      In the post-apocalyptic world, from the first offence, this cheer squad will need to make an example of some fool to prevent further attempts at victimization. Continue reading “Post-Apocalyptic People To Kill”

Pumpkin Bread in a Canning Jar

This thanksgiving I tried to bring a bit of apocalyptic flair to the baking and traveling extravaganza.

As baking in jars was something I’d never done before, I used a box of pumpkin quick bread rather than try a new recipe and a new method. I did add candied ginger to the mix just because.Pumpkin Bread in Canning Jars

I used half-pint Ball jars with a quilted pattern on the outside. They have straight sides rather than tapering at the top like most jars do. This is important so that the baked good can slide right out.

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Continue reading “Pumpkin Bread in a Canning Jar”

Post-Apocalyptic Graphic Novel (Comic): Sweet Tooth Vol. 1

Sweet Tooth, by Jeff Lemire (both art and story!), is an apocalyptic comic that benefits from being both familiar and unusual. The concepts, on the surface, allow for a easy suspension of disbelief while the details will keep readers enthralled.

Seven years ago a sickness struck the world down. If you weren’t sick, you would be eventually.

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The children would have been the hope of the future, since all the children are immune to the sickness. Unfortunately, every child born since the sickness was boron a human-animal hybrid.

Sweet Tooth stars Gus, a nine-year-old boy –with deer antlers growing out of his head–, who has been raised by his religious and paranoid father in a cabin in the woods ever since the whole world got sick and the only children born were part animal.

Early in the comic, Gus loses his father to either sickness or old age. Shortly after going out to burry the old man, Gus gets himself either rescued (or hoodwinked) by a badass loner named Jepperd. Jepperd promises to take Gus to “The Preserve,” where kids like Gus (human animal hybrids) are safe. Having only ever learned what his father taught him about people and the world, Gus is native but not stupid. He’s had almost no interaction with others but still manages to be kind without losing his instinct for self preservation.

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Sweet Tooth manages to create a humor-violence-emotion hybrid. Each character is dimensional, reasonable, and interesting.

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Without saying too much, appearing too hokey, or over developed everyone is still fleshed out enough to be fresh and charming in their own, sometimes sadistic, ways.

I totally recommend this series.

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But, just in case my enthusiasm isn’t convincing enough, you can read this free preview of issue #1 (Volume 1 is a compilation of issue #1 through #5).

Decorating With Safety (Tutorial)

A good post-apocalyptic wife will need to have safety in the forefront of her mind in all situations– even decorating.

Decorating is a great excuse for employing idle hands and filling empty walls. In the past I’ve created Space Invaders and Transformers inspired wall art, science fiction coasters, and video game themed shot glasses. This week though, I went with something even more practical: Decorative Safety Signage.

Husband is used to my projects and is really just happy when they’re finished and off the coffee table. So, when he saw me start on this project he merely nodded with approval at its simplicity and scowled at the spray paint. Apparently, some humans find toxic fumes irritating…

Another thing humans find irritating: Fire. Because of this, every home should be equipped with an easy to find fire extinguisher. Every adult in your home should also read and understand the usage directions for your fire extinguisher; not all extinguishers can be used on all fire types. But once you have the right fire extinguisher for your room is its helpful, directional signage going to clash with the rest of your hard decorating work?

Not if you make the sign yourself. (Also, the sign could go anywhere and just be a decorative misdirection.)

If you’re interested in making similar safety signage for your home, follow the tutorial below. Continue reading “Decorating With Safety (Tutorial)”

Zombies grow in your neighborhood in Fleck

Fleck is an new in-browser game by Self Aware Games about defending your territory from the most adorable zombies ever.

You sign up, choose an avatar with a vague resemblance to you, and designate a location. You can situate yourself in you actual home or anywhere else in the United States. Locations are generated using Google Maps integration.

Your avatar makes an effort to live and in their own little private Idaho or Bel Air, where you choose to live by building a house and growing a garden. Unfortunately, zombies in the Fleck universe also grow in gardens and “zombies hate plants.”

During the introduction of the game, a knowledgeable avatar walks you through the steps of surviving the zombie infested landscape of the Fleck dimension.

Continue reading “Zombies grow in your neighborhood in Fleck”

Is Occupy Wall Street The Start of a Slow, Apocalyptic Decline?

What does a slow, apocalyptic decline look like?

Almost two months ago, protests began in New York City in opposition to … stuff and things and inequality. There was definitely a general outrage about inequality. But what did they want to be done about it?

Everyone who has learned the basics of capitalism knows that some people have more than others do. Not because they necessarily work harder but because whatever they’re selling has more demand and thus they earn more. Our society is based on supply and demand.

What about this example of a real life teacher participating in the Occupy Wall Street protests after quitting his full time teaching job to pursue a MFA in Puppetry and then finding that three years later there was no work to be found for a Master of Puppets?
Continue reading “Is Occupy Wall Street The Start of a Slow, Apocalyptic Decline?”

Disaster struck and we were mostly ready…

The last weekend of October is normally about trying not to eat all your Halloween candy before strange, disguised children can com to your door and beg for it. this year, though, it was about flashlights, candles, two-player Uno and extra socks.

Yes, my husband and I were caught in the the Halloween Snowpocalypse of 2011 (Read: An icy October snowstorm in 2011 that, combined with the weight of leaves still being on the trees, resulted in a number of broken trees and downed power lines leaving about 2.5 million homes without power.). At 9:30 our home went dark and the lights in our souls dimed a bit.

I knew exactly where to find the flashlights and the candles, we had warm clothes and blankets galore, and food was a non-issue. Unfortunately, once we were set up I started to notice the flaws in my planning.

Continue reading “Disaster struck and we were mostly ready…”