Author: char

What if the world already ended?

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Every now and again, I watch the news on TV. I don’t usually watch the news because it tends to be worrying and depressing and makes me wonder the hell the world is coming to when every other story is about a murder, a bombing, a shooting, or some other neighborly thing like that.

Anyway. While recovering from a session with my personal trainer last week, I sat in the women’s locker room and watched CNN. (Before you ask, the locker room TV was tuned to CNN, I didn’t actually change the channel.) CNN was showing a segment about the Colorado movie theatre shooting (which, unless you’ve been living under a rock or possibly on Mars, you’ve heard about). The newscaster was talking about previous mass shootings, such as the one in Arizona that injured former congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, Virginia Tech, and, of course, Columbine.

All that positivity had me thinking, “What if the world has ALREADY ended?!”

No, really. Bear with me here. Remember last year, when Harold Camping predicted that the Rapture would happen on May 21? And then nothing happened and he was all “WTF?” and the world was all “Bahaha loser.”?

BUT. What if something DID happen? What the Rapture actually WAS on May 21, 2011, and NOBODY WAS SAVED?! (Yes, I’m well aware I probably just offended half a million people with that statement. Sorry, Bible Belt.)

What if we’re currently in the middle of the Tribulation?

Just a thought.

And now I’m going to go hide from all the really mad Christians who are offended because I suggested they weren’t good enough to be Raptured (luckily, I no longer live in the Bible Belt).

 

In the post apocalypse, I will be sleep deprived

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I recently realized that in the post-apocalyptic world, I will be horribly sleep deprived. That is, assuming I actually survive and aren’t eaten by a horde of hungry zoo escapees because I’m too fuzzy brained to realize that the panda coming toward me has run out of bamboo shoots and hey, I’m Asian so I’m basically the same thing (only with more meat. And fat).

When did I come to this realization?

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I’d say it was probably the last time I was trying to do stuff with my kids, but zoned out because I was rather close to falling asleep. Or possibly the last time I slept in and was late for a session with my personal trainer (I haven’t the foggiest idea why I didn’t set up my appointment time later in the morning–clearly more evidence of my muddled, sleep deprived brain).

It’s probably not as big a deal now, when, in the grand scheme of things, life is fairly leisurely and easygoing. I mean, in comparison to what life will be like after the world bites the dust and we’re running around trying to fend off hungry pandas who may or may not know kung fu.

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That’s not to say it’s healthy though, because it’s not. After all, I’m less productive, end up sleeping through my alarm, and am just generally cranky.

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But I’m not running around trying to beat off…uh, things and having to stay on my toes and develop spidey senses just to stay alive.

But let’s face it: sleep deprivation means sluggishness and slow reaction time. When quick thinking and ingenuity might just save your life, having your brain go at the speed of molasses will probably get you killed.

Which means, of course, that I will most likely get eaten by an escaped zoo panda who has substituted me for bamboo.

That actually sounds like a terrible way to go. I should start getting some sleep then, shouldn’t I?

But…how will I stay organized?

Posted on by char

If you’ve noticed, I’ve been having a much harder time keeping on top of my Monday posts lately. This, I assure you, is not intentional. But let’s just say that ever since we moved back to Canada and I lost my full-time childcare, the days have started running together and most of the time I can’t figure out which way is up. I have a hard enough time remembering what I ate for breakfast, let alone what I need to do on what day. (Seriously, if my head weren’t attached to my body, I’d have lost it a long time ago.)

I’m a little frazzled.

A thought occurred to me the other day, when I realized that it was actually Monday and not Sunday and my post was late: how will the scatterbrained people like me remember to do all the stuff they’re supposed to do after the world goes kaput?

Continue reading “But…how will I stay organized?”

Storing food for the post-apocalypse

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So my husband will be going on a week-long backpacking/hiking/camping trip in the depths of the Canadian Rockies.

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Very soon. Which means, of course, that he’s in the middle of preparing for this week of torture trip into the wild.

Since he, you know, doesn’t want to survive on pine needles and berries, he’s packing food. Enough food to last him a week.

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Which, when you have to carry all this food on your back, can add up to a lot of weight. (It also added up to a lot of dollars at Mountain Equipment Co-op, but that’s a totally different story.)

Anyway. All of Hubby’s trip preparation got me to thinking: what’s the best way to prepare (food-wise) for the post-apocalypse? Now, I’m not talking about making sure your bunker is fully stocked with canned goods and other non-perishables. I’m talking about that possibly lonely trek on a possibly long, lonely road through a possible wasteland (lot of possibles, here).

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I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that if/when you’re making that trek, you probably don’t want to be carting around three cases of Alphaghetti and two cases of KD. Plus a box or two of instant ramen.

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And maybe some Girl Guide cookies.

My husband is not taking cans of Alphaghetti. Nor is he taking a bunch of watermelons and half a tub of grapes, like that one guy did last year. Instead, he’s taking those freeze-dried camping meals (well, at least I think they’re freeze-dried). The last time he did this hike, he brought a backpack full of MREs.

Apparently, MREs weigh more than the freeze-dried meals, even though they obviously weigh less than cans of Alphaghetti and a watermelon.  Instant ramen would be pretty light, though, so maybe a desperate person could take those? (With Girl Guide cookies. Because to be perfectly honest, I’d miss Girl Guide cookies. Especially the mint ones.)

So now I’m wondering, is it a good idea to stock up on MREs and freeze-dried camping meals? What do you think?

You tell me: What would be your preferred trekking-through-a-post-apocalyptic-wasteland food supply?

Training for the post-apocalypse

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Now that my mind has re-injected itself into my body (the last few weeks have been rather hectic), I’m able to start thinking about post-apocalypse things again.

One of the post-apocalyptically focused things that have crossed my mind these past few days is the idea of training for the post-apocalypse. I know Anninyn has talked about it before, and she’s even got a training regimen already planned (and, you know, follows).

I, on the other hand, am nowhere near that organized.

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Or athletically inclined. I got a gym membership recently–and I’ve actually gone to the gym!

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–and have been working with a personal trainer. Which is all well and good and all that, but sometimes I have to wonder how effective personal training is when thinking about exercise in terms of post-apocalyptic survival.

Continue reading “Training for the post-apocalypse”

Post-apocalyptic communications

Posted on by char

I’ve been having Internet problems lately. Basically, my router is rebelling and refuses to connect me to my addiction the interwebs. (The robot uprising, it is starting. Maybe.)

All of this lovely yelling at my router (in child-friendly terms, which means that my router is usually a fudge-y piece of spaghetti, occasionally the son of a blimp, and sometimes other equally ridiculous things) had me thinking about communications in the post apocalypse.

Because, you know, I depend on the Internet for communication. I mean, without the Internet, I never would’ve become friends with two women I’ve never met and have never even spoken to. And if THAT hadn’t happened, believe me when I say that the world would be a less entertaining place.

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Book review: Dark Magic by James Swain

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Dark Magic cover

Book review: Dark Magic by James Swain, published May 2012 by Tor Books

Note: The review copy was provided by the publisher.

Blurb:

Peter Warlock is a magician with a dark secret. Every night, he amazes audiences at his private theater in New York, where he performs feats that boggle the imagination. But his day job is just a cover for his otherworldly pursuits: Peter is a member of an underground group of psychics who gaze into the future to help prevent crimes. No one, not even his live-in girlfriend, knows the truth about Peter—until the séance when he foresees an unspeakable act of violence that will devastate the city. As Peter and his friends rush to prevent tragedy, Peter discovers that a shadowy cult of evil psychics, the Order of Astrum, know all about his abilities. They are hunting him and his fellow psychics down, one by one, determined to silence them forever. Dark Magic is a genre-bending supernatural thriller from national bestselling novelist and real-life magician James Swain.

First off, I’m going to admit that while I love science fiction and fantasy, I no longer read a lot of urban fantasy. Why? Because, quite frankly, I’m tired of reading about vampires, werethings, and ninja heroines with attitude problems.

Second, I’m going to admit that this review has taken such a long time to write because I read the book twice. (Yeah, I really it.)

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Canada prepares for the zombie apocalypse

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Well, okay, the province of British Columbia is preparing for the zombie apocalypse. They’ve taken a page from the CDC’s book and have set up Zombie Preparedness Week. You know, so the citizens of B.C. can be good and ready for the zombie apocalypse. Also other disasters, like floods, earthquakes, and fires. But mostly zombies.

And just in case you’re wondering if the preparedness plan works, check out the post-zombie attack survivor’s blog here. Obviously this person isn’t from the lower mainland, because according to this map, Vancouver is toast.

I gotta admit, this is pretty cool. Now, if only Alberta would do something like this…

And for your viewing pleasure (because I’m nice like that), check out the video that Emergency Info B.C. put together. Be ye warned: it sounds like someone held Stephen Hawking at gunpoint to record this thing. And made him inhale some helium along the way.

 

This week in the real world, part 2

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So you may have noticed that my post today is late. By a lot. There’s a reason for that: we got possession of our new house today. Now personally, I think that’s an okay reason to get a post up late.

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I was up late last night packing up the rental apartment (and not getting anywhere near done). Today we were packing up the rest of our crap, moving crap from one place to another, and waiting for the Internet guy to set everything up.

Because when you move into your new house, the first thing you need to do is set up your Internet. Obviously.

Continue reading “This week in the real world, part 2”