Marvel Zombies issue #1 was surprisingly pretty boring. It wasn’t the most boring thing I’ve ever read or watched about zombies but there sure was a lot of chatting for a superhero-zombie mash up. The issue was mostly chatting actually.
All the zombie superheroes literally just sit around discussing their zombiehood: what it means for their powers, how it impacts the world, how they might survive, who else might have survived. For pages, they just casually converse with almost the exact same personalities and intellect that they’ve been known for. They might be slightly dumber and extremely hungry. That’s also a big conversation subject; everyone is so very hungry all the time.
The thing is, due to their intellect and the casual way they go on and on about their hunger, they come across and whiney and lazy.
Also, nothing at all kills the zombies. I suppose that’s kind of a cliff hanger. But it’s a stupid one. Half the fun — maybe two thirds of the fun– of zombies is killing them.
Dismemberment, brain-bashing, and all other manner of murder fail to extinguish their life lights– or hunger. They creep about is halves, their insides spill out, they tuck their heads under their arms, and they try to tuck their brains into their damaged skulls and tight-pants pockets.
We had one true hero, Magneto, who brought the zombies through a portal to an already dead and ravaged alternate Earth—apparently DC isn’t the only franchise that will never be at a loss for alternate Earths.
Thank you very much, Magneto, but you’re merely scene-setting fodder. You’ve not only saved Earth 1 but you’ve also taught was how aggressive these heroes-turned-zombies are, whether or not dead hero-zombies still poses their super powers, and, most importantly, how boring zombies are with no one to hunt or hunt them.
The Silver Surfer turns up for a second acting like a creeper like he seems to love doing. Then he leaves.
I read the first few pages of issue #2 at Marvel’s digital site and, sadly, it was just as boring as issue #1. The heroes the zombified heroes discuss how The Silver Surfer could be food, be he’s so fast so maybe not.
If you read all five or another superhero apocalyptic tale, please let me know what’s worth reading.
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