10 ways to ensure your survival camp followers toss you to the zombies

So you’re a survival camp dictator tyrant leader. Congrats! You’ve got a bunch of people looking to you to keep them alive (no pressure or anything). Of course, now you have to lead them in a way that not only keeps them safe, but keeps them happy.

Because, you know, unhappy campers usually means a leader doesn’t last long. Especially in the post-apocalypse, where I’d imagine life could be very dog-eat-dog, and if you’re not up to par, they’ll toss you to the zombies and put someone else in the leader’s chair.

Here are 10 ways to ensure your survival camp followers toss you over the wall to be zombie food:

  1. Micromanage. Manage every detail. Make sure you’ve got your hand in every pie.
  2. Be a helicopter supervisor. In the event that you decide to delegate and assign “regional leaders” (or whatever you want to call them), be a helicopter supervisor. You’ve heard of helicopter parents, right? You know, the ones who hover and keep an eye on their kids from birth until they’re forty? Do the same, only with your subordinate leaders. Only give them the semblance of authority and independence for their region of the camp.
  3. Ask for suggestions and recommendations, and then tell people their ideas are stupid and you’re going to go with your idea anyway. See #1 and #2 above.
  4. Only implement your ideas, even if you have no idea your idea will actually work. See #3 above. And yes, only use  your ideas even if you’ve never tested them out or only used them in a small part of your camp. I mean, if your new perimeter search plan works in your quadrant (say, Quadrant C), it’s definitely going to work in Quadrant B, even though the Quadrant B leader has told you that he/she knows their quadrant and your plan just will not work for that part of the camp. Maybe there’s  heavier zombie activity there (or whatever). If the leader disagrees with you and tries to point out your flaws, shut them down, and they yell at them in private later. Also tell them that you “will talk to people” to get you idea/plan put in place because  you don’t need that subordinate messing with your grand plans.
  5. Tell people their ideas are crap and that you disagree with them. All the time. Even interrupt them to say this.
  6. Tell your subordinate leaders that you’re “a team” and you want to “work together with them to make the camp run smoothly and even grow” but make all decisions unilaterally. Because, as #3 and #4 indicate, only your ideas are good enough to put into practice. Even if those ideas will doom your camp.
  7. Be offended if people give you pointers about how you could increase camp efficiency/supplies/wealth/whatever. Because you know best, you must be the best leader, so everyone else is an idiot.
  8. Give in to your delusions of grandeur. Your subordinates hate you, but YOU WILL BECOME THE BIGGEST AND BEST SURVIVAL CAMP EVER. Because your delusions say so.
  9. Tell your people they can’t loot. Instead, you will find SPONSORS. Because everyone out there will agree that your camp is the best and will grow to take over the world, they will just give you stuff. Of course, you’re not going to give them anything in return, and, in fact, you tell your subordinate leaders that they have no bartering budget. I mean, they’re going to be your sponsors.
  10. Insist on monthly staff meetings, where you will tell your subordinate leaders that you’ve got LOTS of great ideas and that their ideas are all stupid, but they’re doing great jobs. But, you know, you know best. So they have to follow all your ideas and plans, even if they’re unpractical. And even though you don’t actually have direct contact with the “regular people.” I mean, did Caesar deal with the common people? Of course not. He had people to deal with the peasants. So do you.

In the midst of all this, make sure you share your plans of growing and expanding the survival camp so that it stretches across the old country (whatever country that happens to be). Tell people that they have to BELIEVE IN THE MISSION. Also tell people that others will give you stuff (ie food and supplies) (for nothing in return) because THEY BELIEVE IN THE MISSION too.

char

I'm Canadian, which according to movies and TV means I'm part of the group that's almost always wiped out during the apocalypse. I’ve watched too much Star Trek and Stargate over the years and spend too much time at my computer. Now, I'm waiting for the arrival of (and human enslavement by) the Borg or the Goa'uld. That is, if my computer doesn’t swallow me first.

4 Replies to “10 ways to ensure your survival camp followers toss you to the zombies

  1. You know what is likely to get you kicked out of camp? Passive Aggressiveness.

    I mean, you really think you will successfully toss the leader to zombies by passively writing to a small group of uninterested people that have no idea what you are really talking about?

    Nope. Don’t think so. But it will get you fed to the zombies when the camp leader finds out!

    1. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and concerns with us.

      I appreciate your feedback and understand your frustration.

      We’ll keep your comment on file and I’ll take your input under consideration when the time to implement new initiatives arises.

  2. Ok for someone that doesn’t know zip about Preparedness I understand the comment from the zombie food source above. For the rest of us that DO prepare I thought this was great and I LMAO reading it! Amused! Shared w/ my followers!

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